On Sunday evening, October 29, the severe weather conditions made it seem unlikely that anyone would venture outside. But the storm was not a deterrent for a group of devoted women who made their way to the Beth Gavriel Center to hear noted speaker Rebbetzin Devorah Kigel speak on behalf of Emet Outreach.
Speaking with warmth and sensitivity, Mrs. Kigel detailed 12 valuable and practical tips for shalom bayis. Her ideas clearly resonated with her audience, as they interjected questions during the shiur and followed with lively discussion afterwards.
Mrs. Kigel noted that the month of Cheshvan is the time when the resolutions we made in Tishrei are put to the test. She noted that these shalom bayis tips apply to other relationships as well.
She began by pointing out that the most important times of day for shalom bayis are the four minutes when a couple says goodbye to each other in the morning and the four minutes of the day when they reunite. It’s vital to shalom bayis that, although we may feel stressed or rushed, we must focus on making these interactions pleasant and loving. It is important to greet our husbands with a smile and ask about their day. No interaction is “pareve.” We are either building or harming our relationship. Rebbetzin Kigel explained that husbands really want to make their wives happy, and we should remind ourselves of this and of all the blessings Hashem has given us when we speak to them.
She continued by indicating that we should always remember to express gratitude and refrain from being overly critical or negative. If it is necessary to offer constructive feedback, do it with love, respect, and thoughtfulness.
Other key elements for shalom bayis are being respectful of your spouse’s dreams, never speaking about him negatively to others, demonstrating respect in front of our children, being supportive of our husband’s Torah learning, and trying our best to fulfill his needs. Her final point was to consult your husband for big decisions.
Rebbetzin Kigel concluded by stressing that respect is key to shalom bayis. Hashem loves it when he sees us getting along and He brings a flow of blessing into our home.
Everyone left inspired and warmed by this beautiful shiur, as they opened their umbrellas and headed into the stormy night.
By Susie Garber