When an event is commemorated, there are certain milestones. Those tend to elicit more emotion. During the time between milestone years, the feeling is not the same. Time has an impact. Normally, when 9/11 would arrive, I would spend time watching videos of that day and watching some of the events commemorating the day. I would need that to put me in the right frame of mind. Even then, the feeling was not so strong. For example, 4 years ago I went to the animal shelter to adopt our guinea pig, Squirrel. It was 21 years after the attack and was not a milestone year.
I knew that this year, the 25th anniversary, would be different. I also realized that since Rosh HaShanah was starting on the night of September 11, if I watched videos of the attack or saw an event related to that day, it would have such an impact on me that I would be unable to do anything else. By the time I turned on the radio, I thought that the ceremony was over. This year, there was an extra part for those who died after 9/11 due to conditions at the 9/11 site; there was a moment of silence for them. Also, I heard the end of the reading of the names of those who died. The fact that the names are still being read after all these years is a tribute to those who died and gives comfort to those who are still alive. After that, it was hard to focus on anything else.
If it took a few hours to read approximately 3,000 names, how long would it take to read six million names of those who were murdered in the Holocaust? It can be done in one day if our Jewish communities could agree on that day and split up the names. Each person could read a few names either at home, in a synagogue, or at an event. The problem is agreeing on a day. Some follow Yom HaShoah, and others will only mourn on Tishah B’Av.
On the day before Rosh HaShanah, or shortly before if you cannot do it then, there is a custom to visit the graves of one’s parents and other ancestors. There is also a custom to put a stone on the grave. The purpose of the stone is to show honor to the deceased by showing that someone visited his grave. I went to visit the graves of my parents, grandparents, and aunt and uncle, all of whom are buried near or next to each other. My cousin also lives in Kew Gardens Hills and regularly visits these graves. Therefore, there are a lot of small stones put on the graves. However, I noticed that approximately 95% of the graves in the cemetery have no stones on top. Although there are many reasons for this situation, it does not justify the absence of stones on the vast majority of graves. It is an embarrassment for the deceased that no one comes to see them. I thought it would be a good thing if every grave in the cemetery had at least one stone. This way, every deceased person would have the honor of having had someone take the time to at least visit them or put a pebble on their tombstone. It also is a reminder that someone cares about them, even if it is someone who never knew them.
This is a monumental project. I decided to start with my visit on Erev Rosh HaShanah by taking a few extra stones and putting them on graves that have no stones on them. I started with the graves of those who are buried near my parents.
There is also a custom to visit graves on Erev Yom Kippur. For those who are going, maybe they would consider bringing a few extra stones for those headstones that have no stones on them. This is a great chesed.
Ashkenazim say Yizkor on the last day of Pesach, Sukkos, and Shavuos. The Sephardim do not. However, everyone agrees that one says Yizkor on Yom Kippur. That is an indication that the significance of remembering those who departed is so great that it is done on the holiest day of the year. We should consider this importance in deciding whether to give honor to those who may seem to have been forgotten by reading their names or putting a stone on their grave.
Have a G’mar Chasimah Tovah.
Warren S. Hecht is a local attorney. He can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.