So, how often do you feel uncertain, anxious, or intimidated? Isn’t it high time to let go of that critical self-doubt and self-talk? If you truly believe that no matter what life throws at you, you will be okay, then you could handle just about anything.
Let’s be honest, sweet friends. There are days you simply do not feel like a Superhero. Sure, you would be willing to have any superpower, but you just can’t see yourself invisible, eh? Lol. In fact, before that interview, your palms may be sweating and your heart beating loud enough to hear it. I bet when you were five years old, you thought you could conquer the world. How and why did those beliefs change? Did a grown-up squash it out of you? Let’s start by getting to know what our self-limiting thoughts are. Can you hear them in your head right now?
Remember: Self-confidence is not “They will like me.” It’s: “I’ll be fine if they don’t.” Big difference, eh? Are you aware that humans say about 1,000 words to themselves per minute? Your body actually has a neurological response to what you tell your brain. Do you see everything that happens as a “problem” or perhaps as a “challenge”? What do you say when you talk to yourself? Hey, it’s okay to talk to yourself and even to answer yourself. Just don’t ask yourself to repeat what you just said. Then you’re in trouble. Lol
But seriously, how can you lead a cavalry charge if you’re busy thinking how funny you look on that horse? What I have found in life is that the hard part is not knowing what to do – but actually doing it. Raise your hand if you truly have a solution to a problem but, for some reason, you have just not acted on it yet. Oftentimes it simply boils down to having enough faith in yourself to just do it. Aren’t you tired of feeling self-conscious all the time? You know, like when you’re eating crunchy food and wondering if other people can hear it, too. Heh.
No need to humble-brag. Your actions will speak for themselves. Don’t have it in you just yet? Think of the most confident person you know and then ask yourself: What would he do right about now? How would she be standing? Chin up and shoulders back, my friends. Go ahead; put your hands on your hips. Give me your best power-pose. Now focus on the small victories. Maybe you dragged yourself to the gym today. Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training? Hmm. How about acknowledging and reinforcing some of those good habits of yours? Perhaps you refrained from gossiping, as tempting as it was in the moment. Did you make any good decisions today? I bet you did. Think about it for a moment: a simple behavior, nothing life-changing. You may have found just the right words to say to your friend when she needed support. See? It was life-changing after all.
There truly is no end to how many things we can actually feel great about on any day of the week. It’s time to focus on those daily achievements and accomplishments. Try listing some of them every day from now on. “Hey, I remembered to take out the trash before my wife asked me.” Lol. Or, are you that generous guy who helps with the housework? She washes the dishes and you...ummm…let them dry. Or if you’re like me, you learn something new every day; but forget five other things forever. Sheesh. “Wow, you kept your cool even though she was 20 minutes late.” And no, running late does not count as exercise.
Let’s be honest, sweet friends. A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can’t go anywhere until you change it. So, what are you waiting for? Walk down the street with self-assurance and don’t be afraid to be “different.” Feel motivated to do something? Do not hesitate. If you stall even for a few seconds, your brain will forget it and oopsie…another thing still on your “To Do” list.
When was the last time you had to call your phone company, or some organization? Someone answers the phone and you don’t like them already. What message did the tone of their voice give you? What does your “Hello” sound like? When you answer the phone, do you sound happy, sad, annoyed, or perhaps neutral? Do you even know? Gosh, have you answered the phone while you were stuck in traffic? Ugh. You know the feeling. Sitting in traffic isn’t that bad as long as your lane is moving faster than the one next to you. Lol. Try asking your friends if they can read your mood from your “Hello.”
Then again, you know what they say: “Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give to some people. Heh. But trust me: In a world that feeds on your insecurities, loving yourself is nothing short of an act of rebellion.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.