Stuck in the past? Just jump into a cold shower and wash off all the muck and mud from this past year. Easier said than done, you say. True. But I’ll bet you would stand a chance on American Idol if you could bring your shower on stage. It’s not exactly a cinch to dust yourself off and try again while the mainstream media insists on reminding you of “Covey” every ten seconds.
I know, you miss being late to everything right about now. Do you want a new version of life for yourself in the coming year? Perhaps you are trying to make powerful, sustainable choices that can lead to lifelong changes. Try going on the elimination diet: Remove anger, guilt, worry, and resentment. Speaking of which – today’s diet tip: Use superglue as lip gloss. Your nutritionist told you to eat 1,200 calories a day, and you’re like: Okay, how many at night? Heh.
But seriously, we all craft an image of how we want others to see and think of us, our family, and our lives. As of late, being sans makeup, in jammies, and in our natural habitat all day long has gotten quite old to say the least. Many spout that we are finally getting in touch with our “real” selves; but there is nothing natural about being confined to your home, separated from loved ones and isolated from everyone on the street cowering behind their masks. And no, you are not crazy. An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is actually normal behavior.
You might not relish this new “abnormal.” In fact, you may feel as though G-d has sent us all to our rooms for what seems like an endless “time out.” Not exactly “laughing your mask off”? It’s perfectly okay to have a meltdown. Just don’t unpack and live there. Your greatest accomplishment today may be not saying what you are thinking out loud. If you ask me, my 90-day trial of 2020 is up. I would like to unsubscribe.
Some tell me their spiritual lives have been strengthened, while others feel their religious connection has been weakened by all the restrictions and madness. If you find yourself slipping, please find your own special space and time for faithful communion and a feeling of closeness. Faith is the one thing we can always fall back on. Hold onto the belief that everything may not turn out okay, but you will be okay no matter how things turn out.
The feeling of separation from your community may be most acute for you if you depended on it for support. For some of us, it is truly a lifeline. Sometimes we are all each others’ family. You may be having an avalanche of contradicting emotions. Speaking of which, ever open your cabinet and see there’s about to be an avalanche of stuff falling; and quickly close it for the next person to deal with. C’mon admit it.
But truly, there is no pause button on this pervading, inescapable “Rona” outbreak right now. Sometimes solitude is the best way to recharge when the world has gotten you down and out. However, harrowing and heavy loneliness registers in our bodies the very same way as physical pain. So please reach out and share your love. Make the effort. It’s amazing how long it takes to finish something you’re not working on. Do you have a roadmap? If not, make a short-term plan. “Just for today…” You fill in the blank.
Please don’t make decisions based on fear. The only way to combat panic is with knowledge. Did you know that since the 1950s there have been eight global pandemics? Millions died. Asian and Hong Kong flu, SARS, Ebola, Aids, MERS, and Spanish flu, just to name a few. Pandemics have happened all through history, and sadly will most likely happen again.
The one thing pandemics and natural disasters do is that they force us to face our human frailty and mortality. But fear need not become your constant companion, sweet friends. Dishonesty and deception are spreading faster than this crisis ever could. How reliable is your source of information? Sometimes the black sheep is the only one telling the truth.
Try desperately to reframe this mess through a hopeful lens. So you’ve been having a midlife crisis since you were four years old. I get it. Yes, the world has been turned on its head. But humans have been getting through hard times for thousands of years. What’s that you say? Your knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil? Don’t fret. The world may be full of suffering; but it is full of overcoming, as well. Indeed, a monsoon has come into our lives, sweet friends, but lucky for us, we have our raincoats ready. Need an ark? I Noah guy. Lol.
We will weather this season of doubt. Keep searching for spiritual relief. It was once said: If you cannot find a good person, become one – and be found.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.