I ordered a course extension called: “How to Deal with Life’s Disappointments.” Yesterday, I got the first lesson by mail. It was an empty envelope. Don’t you also like failure? It’s so easy to achieve. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
Have you ever been so intensely disappointed in someone or something that you did not even want to feel your feelings? I know, all you want right about now is a log cabin in the middle of nowhere – oh, and WiFi. But the truth is that we need to experience our emotions so that we can understand what the person or event that disheartened us meant to us. The one crucial thing we have to do now is readjust our expectations, in order to cope with the new “reality.” Ah, reality: You know – that awkward moment between your birth and your death. Who actually relishes reality now?
Another day, another lockdown. Dropped your ice cream cone right side up? Sheesh. There’s no use crying over spilled milk. Spilled coffee? Now that’s another matter entirely. But truly, setbacks are inevitable. How you deal with them are often defining moments in your life. Ideally, we take stock of what happened, learn from it, and move on. I hear you. It’s so much easier said than done. Heck, it’s all easier said than done; and it isn’t even easy to say.
Bet you can’t wait to hear these three special words: “Boarding Pass, please.” Same. We have to see things for what they are, not what we want them to be. And no, just because you are strong enough to handle the pain, that does not mean you deserve it. The more expectations you have, the greater your ultimate disappointment will be. They say: Always hope, but do not expect. Not so easy. So, how do we cope? Change your focus, please. The essence of spiritual and mental health is the ability to self-reflect. What is happening inside of you and around you right now? Has this misfortune taught you anything about yourself, about life?
Is it one of those days where you put your keys in the fridge? I know. I do all my own stunts, too – but never intentionally. Believe it or not, at times we do get what we want, only to discover that it did not bring us the happiness or joy that we expected. One way or another, we must find inner strength to cope with the inevitable hitches and hiccups that will come our way in this journey through life. Soul searching after a flop or failure can provide you with new information about yourself, others, and the world around you.
You keep pressing the Space bar, but you’re still on earth? One of the greatest disabilities in life is a bad attitude. Please do not get stuck in a web of heavy-heartedness. Unhappy news continues to deluge your daily life. No need to keep revisiting all your losses in this lingering “Rona” nightmare. By all means, do not allow discouragement to deteriorate into depression or apathy.
Indeed, lockdowns have had a devastating emotional impact, which cannot even be calculated. But we must not allow bitterness about the way things are being handled to take root, sweet friends. The six best doctors are still sunshine, water, rest, air, exercise, and diet.
Let’s be honest. Every single day can bring a new thing to be disillusioned about. It’s okay to let the waves of frustration, sorrow, or sadness wash over you. But then it’s time to make a decision about what comes next. Stewing in that misery is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat.
You may feel so angry or stressed that you do not even think you have the emotional bandwidth to deal with one more governmental intrusion into your life. But you will carry 17 grocery bags or die trying before making two trips. So you got this. You will endure, trust me. Do not forget the people, passion, and things that you still have in your life. Ponder three things that you appreciate about yourself. There will always be people who cannot see your worth. Just don’t let it be you. Hang in there, sweet friends. Two steps forward and one step back still beats no steps forward at all.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.