Life can be brutal. Can you feel the pit in the bottom of your stomach? When your situation is difficult, every little thing feels immense and intimidating. For some, all seems lost right about now. Do pain and suffering have to be our destiny? Go right ahead and welcome whatever emotion comes forth. Trust me when I say that these feelings are not unique to you. You can’t always be your own hero or heroine, sweet friends. Do not become a ticking time bomb. Find someone you deeply trust and let it all out.
You feel depresso – you know: the feeling you get when you run out of coffee. I don’t need an inspirational quote. What I need is another cup of coffee. I get it. You’re on life’s roller coaster again. Perhaps you have challenges with your health, finances, or relationships. You’re on a new diet. It’s called: You only have $10 till next Friday? Hmm…how can I transfer money that’s in my mind to my bank account? Uh, oh.
Whatever you do, do not isolate yourself. Connect with a loved one or friend who truly cares about you. Make sure it is someone who can lift your spirits. Tap into something higher than yourself. Nature has healing properties that we cannot even fathom. Feel the Sun or wind on your face. Head to a body of water, if you can. Watch more sunsets than Netflix.
The last two weeks have been a strange ten years. I feel you. Yes, you wish things were different right now, but be present to what is. The human spirit cannot be crushed that easily. Being vulnerable is simply part of the human condition. But so is resilience and healing. Always look for glimpses of light during the darkness.
Remember the days when the hardest decision was which cereal to eat and what cartoons to watch? Don’t hang out in your mind longer than you should. What is paralyzing you? What must you let go of in order to be where you are meant to be? Sometimes the most you can do is lean into the pain. Your wounds will heal in time and a new day will come.
Give yourself a deadline to indulge your sadness or anger but do not allow that self-destructive self-pity to consume you. Make a plan. It is a solution just waiting to happen. If nothing seems to be working, change things up. Believe it or not, when you try new things, your brain releases dopamine, the good ole’ motivational hormone. You know that new restaurant you’ve been dying to try? Make a reservation. While you’re at it, order the kale with a silent “k.” Your favorite flavor of cake is “more”? Y’all know what buffet is? A French word for: Get it yourself. But truly, indulge once in a while.
Don’t only set some goals; be sure to share them with someone. Give yourself a time frame. It’s only when you risk going too far that you find out just how far you can go. And don’t try to move that mountain. Aim for tiny, positive changes at first.
You truly want to make some adjustments or amends? Say it out loud. Once we start a goal, we humans want to finish it. So what’s stopping you from starting? Try not to mope and dope. Remember, it’s better to hope than to mope.
None of us are immune to the cracks in the road. Speaking of potholes, remember when we drove on the right side of the road. Now we drive on what’s left of the road. Ever play the game: “Guess how deep that pothole really is”? I know, you’re not drunk – just avoiding potholes. But, seriously, from time to time we all find ourselves in trying and tiring situations. Ultimately, how you choose to think and act is what will determine your happiness. What is the story you are telling yourself right at this moment?
Do not dwell or allow yourself to suffer more than you are already. You must move forward with your life. The faintest shift in attitude can result in the greatest breakthrough, sweet friends.
Indeed, certain aspects of your life may have fallen apart, but you have a solid foundation. And no, you do not have to have all the answers right now.
Want some momentum? Take a baby step in any direction at all. Don’t watch the clock. Do what it does: Keep going. Get yourself out of energy-saving mode. The most effective way to do it is to do it. That dude on top of the mountain didn’t just fall there.
Go outside and notice something beautiful. Witness the miracles of the universe. Let the hiccups along the way give you perspective during those hard times. The world works in cosmic ways that we do not understand
Your friends don’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be real. Be careful for what you look for in this life. Because, trust me, you will find it. What is truly important to you? It’s okay to have a meltdown or a “moment,” but it’s not okay to live there. Remember, sweet friends: The problem isn’t the problem. It’s your attitude about the problem.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.