“You’re so fake, you make Barbie seem real.” Hello, and welcome to Hypocrites Anonymous. What’s your name? Is your head exploding from all the pretenders and phonies in your midst these days? Any trust you had has been permanently damaged. Hmm... They claim to have moral standards but their behavior doesn’t conform to any of them. Those double standards can enrage and exasperate us.
The entire fabric of your life was upended. We have all witnessed politicians saying one thing and doing the polar opposite for over a year. Apparently, their arbitrary rules do not apply to everyone. How does it make you feel when someone criticizes behavior and then engages in it himself?
Hypocrisy is nothing short of a violation of trust. It’s bad enough for people not to believe in their own rules and regulations; but what if they use those same mandates to formulate policy that affects every aspect of your life? Many have been seen flaunting their so called “virtue” and righteousness as of late. Practice what you preach or change your speech, dude.
Go online. Every 60 seconds, someone posts a positive message that they don’t live by. You feel outraged? No, you are not overreacting. It is a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of absurdity.
Do you find yourself holding different standards for different people in your life? Of course, your best friend, husband, or girl friend warrant different treatment than the mailman or casual acquaintances. So you adjust your expectations accordingly. But what if he applies different rules for himself for the same circumstance you are in? At the very least, does this not violate the basic concept of fairness in the world?
Apparently, these days, the ones making the laws are above them. They carry their “Get Out of Jail Free” card with them wherever they go. We all resented the teacher’s pet in school and the teacher who played favorites. So what if the one discriminating chooses himself as the favorite? No one wants to be treated like a second class, substandard human.
We all present an image we want others to see. How many different faces do you wear? Of course, none of us acts consistently all of the time, and no, we are not squeaky clean. Speaking of which, you know the feeling: You were going to clean the house; but then someone commented on your status. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. Do you also need a cleaning lady who comes before the cleaning lady?
But truly, your beliefs do not make you a better person, my friends. Your behavior does. You know what the best way to succeed in life is? Act on the advice you give others. An ounce of practice is worth more than a ton of preaching.
Some people do act consistently with their morals and beliefs. But what if they value the wrong things or even the wrong people? Ever watch a presidential debate? Will the real hypocrite please stand up?
I know you heard this one. The dude says: “I don’t go to synagogue. The synagogue is full of hypocrites.” So the rabbi says: “Come on in; there’s always room for one more.” No one is above fakery, my friends. “I know you are. But what am I?” Don’t cut yourself slack that you don’t give others. Make sure you check yourself before you become hypocritical about your own hypocrisy.
There is also such a thing as the degree of duplicity. Perhaps there is a streak of truth in what they have to say. We all tolerate some insincerity. Don’t we? Do you always act in line with your personal principles and philosophy? Make sure you inspect your own moral compass.
We may all believe that we would have the presence of mind to know exactly how to handle any situation in life. But if you have never been in it, chances are you have no idea how you would behave. Please maintain a healthy dose of humility.
Truth time. Do you always say what you mean and mean what you say? Of course, you can’t be brutally honest if you will hurt her feelings. But what if the white lies you tell him become a habit? If you want to do away with the hypocritical nature of your impulses: Practice honesty. Honor can be practiced like any other virtue or habit. We can all change our ways.
Please stay true to yourself, even if so-called friends pressure you to “fit in.” No, you don’t have to start smoking or wearing six-inch heels. Walking should not be an Olympic sport. As a matter of fact, make sure your standards are higher than your heels. I know. You smoke for religious reasons: Every cigarette brings you five minutes closer to Heaven.
Please don’t over-share with people who may not have your best interest at heart. If you spot a lie, no need to be aggressive. Simply say: “That’s not how I remember what happened.” Always walk the moral high-ground, sweet friends. Keep the faith. Not everyone is trying to con you – unless, of course, they’re trying to sell you that used car. You know, the one who says: “I’ll even throw in 30 days of free towing.” “Is this my best price? Do you mean best for me, or best for you?” Heh.
Notice if his behavior matches what he says. Does she follow through on the promises she makes? If she doesn’t, does she own up to it? We are all posers at times, so please stay humble. Come to think of it, Yoga is for posers. But seriously, whatever situation you find yourself in life, always ask: What is the greater good?
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.