Are you arrogant, snooty, and uppity, or do you simply have self-respect? What makes you feel good about yourself? If you are displaying snobbish and stuck-up behavior in order to feel superior to your friends, you may be in need of genuine self-love. You know what they say: “Arrogance requires advertising; confidence speaks for itself.” Unless you’re a drone pilot, no need to look down on everyone.
Do you find yourself looking for quick shopping or drinking fixes? As one girl said: I rationalize shop: I buy a dress because I need change for gum. Or as one dude said, “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.”
Are you desperate for any kind of attention whatsoever? If you feel genuinely worthy of appreciation, acclaim, and love, you can now offer it to others in return. Many of us struggle to forgive ourselves or others for past actions. How can you approve of yourself if you do not pardon yourself for past misdeeds?
Please do not permit others to treat you badly. Know what your values are and have faith in them. Lead with honesty and integrity. Stop worrying about being unconventional, unorthodox, or odd. Yes, many of us are deeply sensitive, but please learn to accept and handle criticism and disapproval. Do not take things personally. Practice being as detached and dispassionate as you can.
No offense, but sometimes the problem really lies within you. Yes, it’s painful to acknowledge. Choose not to feel like a victim, please. Take responsibility. Apologize sincerely and make amends to those you may have hurt. Do not justify or plead your case.
Does your “to do” list today seem to consist of everything from your “to do” list yesterday? Do not chain yourself to your “to do” list. Whatever you got done today is enough. Do not judge your worth based on accomplishing that entire list. Listen, from a procrastinator’s standpoint, today has been wildly successful. I got so much procrastinating done today.
Sure, we can spend the rest of our lives trying to untie the knots of our childhood; but your past and childhood dynamics do not have to become your whole story. Some are so thankful that they actually had a childhood before technology took over. You know, “offline” is the new luxury. I know: The longest five seconds in your life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube. But seriously, remember when we couldn’t wait to grow up? Hmm. What the heck were we thinking? Just think: In 20-30 years from now, the hardest thing your kids will have to do is find a screen name that hasn’t already been taken.
Stand up for what you believe is fair and just. Honor your own humanity. After all, you are second to none, and have been created for a unique purpose. Be open to assessments from those you trust. True friendship is not threatened by honest criticism, sweet friends – it is strengthened.
If you are consumed with self-pity, anger, or resentment, you may find ways to blame others for all of your unresolved pain. Please do not allow the judgments of others to control you. You may feel as though you have been molded and beaten into shape by what others have said or done to you. They do not need them to accept you in order for you to accept yourself.
Take it from me: You are worth loving, being esteemed, and even celebrated. How well do you know your strengths, imperfections, or feelings? If you are not self-aware, sadness or sorrow can oftentimes become your constant companion. When you allow your anger or pain out in a harmful way, you may very well destroy your friendships and love relationships.
Speaking of friendship, do you know what true friendship is? Walking into a person’s house and your Wi-Fi connects automatically. Then again, why call your friend when you can just decide where you and your friend want to meet by exchanging 75 text messages?
Some folks believe that if at first you don’t succeed, lie, lie, and lie again. Do not lie, fib, or fabricate. Don’t lie to a cardiologist. They can always spot A-Fib. You know that honesty is the best policy. But by process of elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. Keep that in mind. No, no. Please give yourself the gift of a clear conscience.
You know what they say: “Truth is like surgery: It hurts, but cures. Lying is like a pain killer: It gives instant relief but has side effects forever. The freest person in this world is the one who has nothing to hide.”
Above all, take responsibility for your actions. Value yourself enough to make honest, honorable choices in life. Honesty may not always pay, but dishonesty always has a cost. And please remember: Self-respect tastes a whole lot better than attention.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.