Can you embrace the unpredictability of the future? If you cannot determine it, how can you have tranquility of mind? How do you avoid being corrupted by the world or broken by stress? Do you work on your body and forget about your soul? I woke up today determined to eat less, drink less, and exercise more. But that was a few hours ago when I was younger and full of hope. My advice: Have some coffee. It will give you the illusion that you are awake.

But sincerely, you have to be a spiritual warrior, my friends, to prevent outside influences from penetrating your being. What do you do to build your inner fortress? What do you tell yourself each morning as you awake? What is the aim of your day? Do you even have one?

You become what you repeatedly do. We all deserve second chances, but not for the same mistake.  If you are facing struggle, remind yourself that, yes, you can get through this. There are all sorts of catastrophes in this life. Please do not allow stress and strain to overwhelm you. You can be as angry as you want at the world, but the world won’t even notice.

If are annoyed with your friends or loved ones’ behavior, ponder when you may have acted the same way at one time or another. Read inspirational teachings till the words inspire you. You can learn from comedy as well as tragedy.

Ask yourself what you said or did today and why. Before bed, examine your day and actions. Do not hide the darker parts of yourself from self-examination. If you do not reflect on your experiences, how can you learn who you truly are?

Get up close and personal with discomfort, my friends. We build walls between ourselves and anything uncomfortable. How do you toughen yourself up? Trust me: Happiness is not getting everything you want. If you haven’t reached your potential, or eliminated destructive emotions, you cannot be truly joyful.

How much jealousy, fear, or anger do you allow into your being? Do not tie your self-image into what others say about you. What you do should matter. Don’t hand your happiness over to others. Figure out how to be grateful. What is “enough”? Get a little bit better each day.

For pity’s sake, don’t always be reachable. Sorry I missed your call. I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me. Sheesh.  I bet your guests don’t even care about food or drinks anymore. All they want is a Wi-Fi password and a charger. I know. You’d rather check your Facebook than face your check book. I get it.

But you need energy to focus on your inner work. Please unplug for a bit. Life happenings will come and go like ocean waves, so do not anticipate with worry or fear. You know what Groucho Marx said: Man does not control his own fate; the women in his life do that for him.

A little less tension and trouble is always welcome. What is the antidote? Munching on that self-pity casserole is really an act of indulgence. Speaking of which, you know what they say: “If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger.” Listen, I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level. Can you relate?

But seriously, do not occupy your mind by making your circumstances worse than they truly are. Imaginations and speculation can cause you to panic, which is socially contagious. More often than not, your fantasies about the future will not come to pass. Do not indulge fear, no matter how much the mainstream media tries to control you.

Keep negative thoughts at bay, please. Try to be indifferent to events. Many things are not worthy of worry. No amount of anguish will prevent you from losing your job or finding the perfect mate. You know he loves you if he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. I know. You married Miss Right; you just didn’t know her first name was: Always. But seriously, do not be passively and submissively controlled by emotions.

I know. You could stop being a control freak if only people would stop messing things up. Life will often give you what you don’t want, sweet friends. The external world will always be unreliable. We cannot manipulate fate. It’s been said: “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.”

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.  or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.