When was the last time you conjured up one of a million excuses for not doing something you really should? You may be justifying your choices and lifestyle simply out of fear of change or perhaps an aversion to discomfort. You may have always wished for a more fulfilling career, but you seem to always find what you call good reasons to stay put. You thought you wanted a career, but it turns out all you wanted were paychecks. I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

But truthfully, while your reasons may be valid, this attitude may also prevent you from ever reaching your dreams. Sure, there are risks in this life, but do you truly go after what matters most to you? You may look at folks you think are successful and gaze in awe at all their accomplishments. And while it’s great to respect the wisdom he has acquired along the way, he is just as human and fallible as you.

Sure, she has learned a lot of skills, but she was once in your shoes and most likely just as tentative as you feel right now. Oh, and you realize that The Wizard of Oz is just a movie about two women fighting over a pair of shoes? Listen, they went into my closets looking for skeletons; but, thank G-d, all they found were shoes.

But seriously, jealousy will get you nowhere, sweet friends. Observe your assumptions about others. “Yeah, that guy always had luck. She was privileged to have that good fortune.” Trust me. They have had their share of sorrow and obstacles along the way. But they most likely also stopped at nothing to finally achieve their purpose.

Then again, “privilege” is just a socially constructed term to make others feel guilty. Who gets special treatment in this world? People from all walks of life have endured inhumane treatment. Many are still currently struggling. Despite the media’s propaganda, society has not conferred any privileges upon me. Quite the contrary.

Some have been the target of bullying, or harassment of all sorts. My family certainly never had success handed to them. Did yours? People from all backgrounds have risen from poverty and discrimination.

Anti-Semitism is the leading cause of hate crimes in America. When was the last time you heard this reported by the mainstream media? Yet, most successful people do not view themselves as powerless victims or some underprivileged minority. We all have unique circumstances and characteristics, my friends. Please try to avoid using inflammatory generalizations about people.

Persevere through rejection and failure. Self-doubt will sap your motivation. Do not blame yourself for every single mistake you have made. Don’t chip away at your self-worth by fixating on your perceived flaws. Highlight all your gains instead. You are worth believing in.

How often do you get bored? You’re so bored that you’re actually Googling quotes about boredom?  Our brains are wired to look for excitement. When was the last time you felt energized? Try something new and unique for a change. A simple change in scenery uses parts of your brain you have not used while sitting at your desk all day. Try hiking. You know what they say: Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt. I chose the road less traveled; and now I don’t know where I am. But I digress…

What makes you feel refreshed, renewed, and restored? You may feel a disconnect between your goals and your progress. Identify your needs, my friends. What areas of your life need improvement? Start planning and set detailed and concrete goals. Then go ahead and act on them. Get started right now.

Make sure you have a growth mindset. Change your life for the better every single day. Measure your accomplishments but not against other people’s. Create opportunities for self-care. Relieve your stress with favorite activities and hobbies. What’s your pleasure?

Do not let failures derail your goals. It’s okay to adjust your plans if need be. Find friends who share your vision. Make connections and form lasting relationships. And always communicate your needs without hurting others. What’s the best vitamin for friendship? B1. I hear tell: Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway. And of course: “Love is blind. Friendship closes its eyes.”

The truth is that the most common cause of failure is quitting. Please focus more on your peace than on your pace. It’s been said: “Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you are climbing it.”

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.