Would you offer to carry some heavy rocks in your backpack all day long? If you have resentment or hold grudges against others, that is exactly what you are doing, my friends. Speaking of rocks, be patient with geologists. They all have their faults. But honestly, you are so irritated and incensed that you may start dreaming of revenge and retaliation to relieve the burden.
You can’t change the one who hurt or angered you, but you certainly can change yourself. Your emotional well-being cannot depend on whether he ever decides to apologize to you. How attached are you to past hurts? Do you think of them constantly?
You need not forget what she has done to you, and by no means should you open yourself up to those who hurt you over and over again. However, humans – including us – are deeply flawed. Our anger often stems from our expectations not being met.
Your friend may not always be there for you. Your husband or wife will not consistently be as compassionate or caring as you wish. By the way: Never laugh at your wife’s choices; you are one of them. Well, you know what they say: One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip. But truly, even your parents will let you down at times. It’s been said: All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them. But truly, we all lie, act selfishly on occasion, and do not always honor others’ boundaries.
Sure, I would love the remote control of the universe, as well. But do remind yourself that it is unwise to allow negative and destructive thinking to poison you. The act of forgiveness can seem formidable. Negative emotions can be quite stubborn. But do not water the seeds of dislike and discord, sweet friends.
You do have a say in which feeling you entertain. If anger shows up, let go of it before it begins to grow or mutate. Sometimes, our greatest fear becomes a reality.
The mere prospect of losing a loved one can trigger tremendous anxiety. We celebrate strong emotional bonds with our friends. Of course, we humans are hard-wired to bond with others. But what is the extent and weight of your attachment to people in your life?
Are you actually obsessed with her? A weakness or addiction to something or someone will become problematic. If we put our happiness in the hands of something we cannot control, we are at the mercy of the world. Will that person stay with you or leave you? Do you have a permanent guarantee that your possessions will always be yours to own?
Our actions are often based on troubling emotions such as fear, jealousy, or even hate. Sometimes our decisions are dictated by our own selfish desires. Whether we admit it to ourselves or not, we care deeply about our own interests.
Some go so far as to say that nothing or no one is truly ours to begin with. When they are no longer, we simply return them to their original Maker. Are your belongings and possessions truly yours? Humans actually owned and enslaved others. Do we dare view others as something we can literally own?
Needless to say, we feel as though our family members and loved ones are ours. But that is at odds with reality. Then again, nowadays home is a place where part of the family waits for the rest of the family to bring the car back. And you know what they say: Family – a social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. But seriously, friends do leave us. Bodies sometimes betray us and become ill.
External events are simply out of our control. You know what J.P. Getty said: “My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.” But alas: We are not omnipotent.
We experience fear of loss. Yet loss and death are part of life; and on a deep level, we all know this. We must therefore work on a certain degree of non-attachment. Do not wish away your deep feelings but learn to be able to bear loss.
If you have suffered a profound disappointment or loss, do not repress your emotions. Listen, I bought a DVD on dealing with disappointment. When I opened it, the box was empty. But seriously, free yourself from mourning without end. Set limits on your grief. Do not give way to endless sadness, suffering, or depression.
Take responsibility for your emotional well-being, please. Your feelings will come and go like clouds on a cool, breezy day. The very art of living is learning when to hold on and when to let go. You may have the disease to always please, but do know what will heal your wounds, sweet friends. And remember: In the end, love is the only thing you can truly possess.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.