Luck doesn’t seem to be a very Jewish concept. We don’t believe in coincidences. The concept of hashgachah pratis dictates that everything that occurs to us is part of a divine plan, tailored for us.
Interestingly, the English word “happy” comes from the word “hap,” which means luck or chance. It’s the root of the words “happen,” “perhaps,” and “haphazard,” all of which connote something that occurs by chance.
We commonly think happiness is a result of our circumstances. If I get lucky and have money to spend on great stuff, then I’ll be happy. But that is not a very Jewish attitude or perspective.
Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski notes that attaining simchah, as opposed to happiness, requires effort and investment. We cannot be instructed “Ivdu es Hashem b’simchah – Serve Hashem with simchah” if simchah were based on external conditions. The word ivdu means “serve,” like the root avad, to work. True simchah is the result of one’s efforts to grow and accomplish.
Ashkenazic Jews wish each other “mazal tov” as an expression of congratulations. Rabbi Yisroel Reisman notes that the origin of this expression, however, is unclear. It does not appear in the Gemara, the Rishonim, or the early Acharonim.
The meaning of the words is also unclear. If mazal is commonly defined as “luck,” mazal tov means “good luck.” But that has nothing to do with congratulations.
In addition, if simchah does not mean happiness based on fortuitous circumstances, mazal tov cannot refer simply to good luck. Why would we bless a chasan and kallah that they have “good luck” as they prepare to walk down to their chupah?
Rav Eliyahu Dessler (quoted in a footnote in Michtav MeiEliyahu 4:98) explained that mazal does not mean “luck.” A person can have a mazal to be poor or rich, healthy or ill. Such things are not a matter of luck. Rather, they are a reference to an individual’s unique purpose in this world, his tafkid. Wealth, poverty, and illness are tools or challenges to help a person fulfill his unique tafkid.
When a person gets married, the hope is that his new spouse will help him fulfill his life’s mission and respond properly to his life challenges.
At a wedding, or any other major event in a person’s life, we offer a most significant blessing. We wish the new couple success in fulfilling their individual tafkid, their special purpose in life.
When we wish someone mazal tov, we are wishing him well in fulfilling his purpose in this world, utilizing the new circumstances with which he has been graced. We bless newlyweds that they utilize their newfound marriage to grow together in fulfilling their divinely ordained role in life.
Earlier this summer, Camp Dora Golding was graced with a visit from the Philadelphia Rosh Yeshivah, Rabbi Shalom Kamenetsky. After warmly addressing the campers, each camper had the opportunity to individually shake the Rosh Yeshivah’s hand. At that time, quite a few campers asked for a blessing. The Rosh Yeshivah replied by asking them what they wanted a blessing for. Many of them had no idea what to reply. But the Rosh Yeshivah patiently insisted that they express what they wanted a blessing for before he would bless them.
We can bless a person that he has added energy and resources. But one must think about what he wants added energy and resources for.
Traditionally, we bless a chasan and kallah that they build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael, a trustworthy home within the Jewish People. Their new union is an opportunity for each of them to become greater people. That doesn’t mean it will be easy and convenient. But we bless them that it will be gratifying and internally fulfilling. That is the depth of the blessing we confer that they should have mazal tov.
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This week, our family celebrates the aufruf of our oldest son, Shalom, in anticipation of his marriage next week to Aliza Frechter, im yirtzeh Hashem.
Our greatest hope and prayer is that Shalom and Aliza become each other’s emotional and psychological walls, surrounding each other.
Indeed, mazal tov, and may they build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael.
Rabbi Dani Staum is a popular speaker, columnist, and author. He is a rebbi in Heichal HaTorah in Teaneck, New Jersey, principal of Mesivta Orchos Yosher in Spring Valley, New York, and a member of the administration of Camp Dora Golding. His writings can be found at strivinghigher.com. Looking for an inspirational speaker or scholar-in-residence? Contact Rabbi Staum at 845-641-5094 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..