Dear Editor:
As avid weekly readers of the “Dating Today” column in the QJL, we were disheartened to read the antagonistic letter directed at Goldy Krantz two weeks ago. We want to express our support for Goldy and her invaluable contributions to our community.
Firstly, we want to commend Goldy for her confident response to the recent criticism directed towards her. We were impressed by her willingness to stand up for herself and address the accusations and doubts with grace and clarity.
Our group of friends lives on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, and we eagerly anticipate Goldy’s column every week. What we appreciate most about her column is that she writes as a friend, listens with an open ear, and allows readers to vent their feelings without judgment. We admire her dedication to maintaining a unique and helpful perspective in her column.
In a world where negativity and conflict often dominate the headlines, “Dating Today” provides a source of positivity and helpful advice. We are grateful for Goldy’s weekly insights and hope that she will continue to inspire and inform readers for years to come.
Sincerely,
The Goldy Krantz Fan Club on the UWS
This Week’s News Roundup (Satire)
Op-Ed by My SUV: I Was Born a Kia, But I Identify As a Honda
While I may look like another typical SUV, I’m not. Not at all. And that’s because I’m the first automobile in history who was born as one model but self-identifies as another model. Let me explain.
When all of my parts were assembled together at the factory to produce me, I was assigned the identity of Kia at birth. I lived my life as a Kia, believing this is who I truly was. But about a decade later, I started experiencing automobile dysphoria and became disillusioned with my identity. I started to believe that I was born into the wrong automobile.
I finally realized that my true identity wasn’t a Kia but a Honda – and I started to identify as such. But I wanted to make it official, so I started going for automobile reaffirming care. I got my Kia logo replaced with a Honda logo so everyone would know exactly who I really was. Not only that, but I myself wasn’t the only part of the car that changed its identity.
The different parts of me also began to change their identities. My engine started to identify as my transmission, and my transmission started to identify as my engine. My gas pedal started identifying as the brake pedal, and my brake pedal started identifying as the gas pedal. My sideview mirrors started identifying as the rearview mirror, and my rearview mirror started identifying as the sideview mirrors. My hood started identifying as my trunk, and my trunk started identifying as my hood. My right signal started identifying as my left signal, and my left signal started identifying as my right signal.
So, this is who I am now. This is my true identity which I expect everyone to affirm. Otherwise, you’re just another transphobic bigot.
Jewish Organizations Demand $500 Trillion in Reparations from Every Country on Earth
Following a California proposal to give out reparations for slavery, Jewish organizations from across the globe demanded their own reparations.
“If African Americans deserve reparations from California because of slavery, even though California was a free state, then surely the Jews, who’ve been persecuted and enslaved by virtually every country on the planet – surely, we’re deserving of reparations as well,” said Ronald Lauder, president of the World Jewish Congress. “The extent of our suffering far surpasses that of any nation in history, so it’s only fair that Jews receive reparations, in the hopes of addressing an historical injustice of the highest order.”
Lauder put forward a proposal that would require all nations on earth, collectively, to pay the Jews $500 trillion in reparations. Payments can be made over the phone, online, or by chesed dollars.
Here Are All the President’s Accomplishments in Sports
President Biden sure loves to talk about his accomplishments – even if no such accomplishments exist. For example, he’ll often talk about his accomplishments in the world of sports. We’ve decided, therefore, to provide our readers with a list of Biden’s accomplishments in the sports arena:
He usually plays defense in baseball.
He scored 15 touchdowns in baseball.
He got ten homeruns in football.
He pitched a no-hitter in football.
He scored 37 goals in basketball.
He got a grand slam in basketball in the ninth inning.
He was the first person to realize that golf is the only sport you need to get the least number of points to win.
He got eight interceptions in golf.
He usually plays left field in golf.
He was the fastest soccer ball dribbler.
If you have any comments, suggestions, or criticisms, please feel free to email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
Rafi Metz
Dear Editor:
I am responding to the person questioning who Goldy Krantz is to write the column that she does. I don’t think Goldy holds herself to be a person of authority. She states her opinion, and the reason she does is because people want to hear it. Nobody is forcing this on her, and if I remember correctly, at one point she was going to stop writing her column, but because of a large number of people who wanted her to continue, she did.
Often, people just rise in stature because other people like what they have to say and not because they necessarily have the qualifications or experience needed (although Goldy does). How do influencers become people of authority? Because people like what they have to say.
L’havdil, how do g’dolim become people of authority? Because people start to listen to what they have to say. Please let Goldy’s popularity speak for itself. Whoever doesn’t want to read her writings is free to do so.
S.S.
Dear Editor:
It’s time for the Queen of Sarcasm to make snide remarks about King Charles III’s coronation. (What? You missed my coronation?) First, I think it’s ironic that President Macron of France was there. After all, if he were Prime Minister of England, Charles would have been retired for ten years. Where was President Biden? Was he taking care of the budget crisis, the surge of illegal immigrants or the mass shootings?
First of all, why did the King and Queen have to ride in a gold stagecoach? I understand that an Austin Mini wouldn’t have done the job, but why didn’t they just walk like the President and First Lady do during the Inauguration? Also, why doesn’t Charles sell his crown that’s “set with 2,868 diamonds,17 sapphires, 11 emeralds, and 269 pearls” and take care of England’s financial woes? For that matter, Camilla can “hock” her 22.48 carat pendant and take care of climate control while avoiding a visit to the chiropractor for her sore neck. Let’s face it: Camilla looked as comfortable in her crown as I do in my sheitel. The royal family could also have solved all the Wolfson family’s financial problems in the Netflix show, Rough Diamonds.
Furthermore, what’s up with Kate’s “tiara”? It looked like a necklace I bought for $24.99 at TJ Maxx. Also, did it make a difference what she was wearing under her robe? It could have been a nightgown. Finally, let’s call a spade a spade. Jill Biden was wearing a Ralph Lifshitz outfit. Yes, Mr. “Lauren” is a Jewish tailor for the richly endowed patrons.
The bottom line is “Good luck to Charles.” Here’s hoping that the shemen zayis from Har HaZeisim helps him with his family and Commonwealth problems.
Debbie Horowitz
Dear Editor:
Shame on Senator Chuck Schumer for scaring 65 million seniors by claiming that if we don’t extend the federal government debt ceiling, they may not receive their monthly Social Security check. Schumer should be aware that, as a member of Congress in 1996, they passed a law, Section 1145, “Protection of Social Security and Medicare Trust Funds.” This legislation ensures that Social Security checks will keep flowing, even if the United States government begins defaulting on its other existing financial obligations. The law allows Social Security and Medicare trust funds to be drawn down to continue paying benefits until the debt limit is raised. It also prevents those funds from being used to pay for any other government programs. Uncle Sam has taken in over $2 trillion in revenue for fiscal year 2023. Rest assured that Schumer, his wife Iris Weinshall, and millions of Seniors will still receive their SSI checks. Perhaps Schumer needs to take a cognitive memory test, so constituents can be sure he is aware of the facts.
Sincerely,
Larry Penner
Dear Editor:
Either they think we are all gullible or plain stupid. They lie straight to our faces and expect us to believe the garbage that spews from their mouths. The Press Secretary continues to say that “Congress needs to act” when it comes to the debt ceiling. Well, the House voted on a bill to raise the debt ceiling. Just because the President and Majority Leader Schumer don’t like the bill and refuse to negotiate it, does not mean that “Congress hasn’t acted.” It’s politics all the time and consequences be damned. Certain payments are mandated by law to be paid, like Social Security and the interest on the debt. It’s all a scare-tactic and the media, corrupt as hell, won’t tell the truth.
DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas says that the southern border is “a challenge” and “the border is not open.” Four million people have come into the country during the last two years and the flow isn’t stopping. It’s all intentional. They insult our intelligence and expect us to believe them. They say we need “comprehensive immigration reform.” Well, the House just passed a border security bill, but again, no Democrats voted for it.
First, they use the Constitution to destroy the Constitution. Next, the Cloward-Piven strategy is alive and well. Our capitalist system is completely being overwhelmed in order to destroy it. The Marxists have gotten hold of our education system and are destroying that, as well.
We are losing our country before our eyes. And I will say that Grace Meng and Gregory Meeks are part of the problem! They voted to keep the 87,000 new IRS agents. They voted against raising the debt ceiling. They voted against securing our southern border. The year 2024 is around the corner, my friends.
Shalom Markowitz