Dating Today

I Don’t Agree

If you are a longtime reader of this column, you know of all the dating experiences I have had...

Read more: I Don’t Agree

I know that I promised to get back to my regularly scheduled articles after I wrote Part Two about my co-worker Rivky, but I can’t. Something has happened in the last week, and I feel that if I didn’t write about it, I would be doing a disservice to all. Think of this as a Public Service Announcement. This article is for everyone, whether you’re single, in high school, retired, married for several years, divorced, etc. But, yes, at the end I will tie it all up in a nice bow and relate it to dating.

I am not the type of person to not follow my own advice. A few weeks ago, I wrote how adults should handle their own dating life and not have their mommies or anyone else managing their dating life because they don’t want to be “bothered.” About a week after that article was published, the following events occurred.

I received emails regarding the last article that was printed about my co-worker Rivky and her opinion about shidduchim. A few asked to hear more about Rivky’s thoughts on shidduchim. I never thought my co-worker would be the subject of not one, but two articles, but who am I to deny the public what it wants? As I’ve written before, I usually have a few articles “ready to go,” so I am never cramming to meet the deadline. I am putting the article that I was going to submit for this week on hold, so that I may write more about Rivky’s thoughts. Think of it as a Part 2 to the article published last time – and then I hope to get back to my regular articles.

I have always said that shadchanim should do all in their power to help and to assist singles. They shouldn’t insult or ignore… anyone. After all, they chose to be a shadchan. They chose to help singles. They may think they know what is best for the single, hence they give unsolicited advice - but they should not be a shadchan if they have the goal of furthering their own agenda. Below is a letter written by a young man who feels used by a shadchan. Instead of doing all she can to set up this fellow, she asked for a “favor” – and then never returned his calls after the outcome of the favor didn’t go according to the plan.

If you are a longtime reader of this column, you know of all the dating experiences I have had while dating. There were many times that I wished I had stayed home and had watched Friends (yes, there were scripted sitcoms before reality TV) than to have gone out on a date with someone whom I never should have been redt to, let alone gone out with. When I got home, I complained to my parents: “How could ______ think that this guy would be what I’m looking for! Does this mean that they think so little of me?” But my parents would say that I can always learn from an experience, and it brings me closer to my bashert. I would reluctantly agree with them because I knew it was true. Had I not gone out with all the fellows I went out with, I wouldn’t be able to relate to people with dating issues or be qualified to write a book or this column. So, it all works out in the end.

My friends were surprised that I chose the field of Social Work and not another field. They said that I am the type of person who liked to cut to the chase and get to the point right away. I can’t stand when people make excuses or don’t own up to what they have done. I told them that I was the new type of social worker. Truth be told, in the beginning of my career I was assigned cases of clients who needed a kick in the pants. I was assigned clients who wanted to change their situation but didn’t know how to go about doing so. I wasn’t the social worker to cry with and who would hold your hand, nodding at everything and saying, “That must have been so hard for you.” I was empathetic and sympathetic to clients, but right after the boo-hooing, we got down to business.

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