The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is YOU

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is YOU

By Caroline Schumsky, LCSW, MS

Is loving yourself a no-brainer for you? If it is, no need to read on, sweet friends. But what if you need a jumpstart to generate some positive feelings toward yourself? We all want to be deeply loved by family and friends, but do you love yourself? Not sure? Okay, here we go.

Have you been a bystander instead of a participant in your own life? You feel that pang of unworthiness pulsing through you again? Try not to focus so dang much on how you feel or even what recurring thoughts you may be having. Feelings will come and go, as will thoughts if you do one thing: Act. Actions are actually the only thing we truly have a say in. An ounce of action is worth more than a ton of theory.

You’re always with yourself, so you may as well enjoy the company. Some thoughts show up uninvited; and some feelings try to grab hold of us for hours or days. But if you insist on worrying incessantly, you may end up causing the one thing you did not want to happen. Worrying means you suffer twice. Think about it. Oh, and stop worrying about your job. You’re not paid enough to worry.

Sometimes we just need to reframe and put things in perspective. Feeling disappointed or upset is not the same as wallowing in regret and self-blame, now is it? Step outside of the drama and check if you are looking at the situation you are in from all angles – not just the negative ones, please. You are more than your mistakes and imperfections, sweet friends. People say that I’m creative. I couldn’t agree more. I create most of my own problems.

Believe it or not, having the blues is a choice – especially if you wallow in aches, agony, and anguish on a regular basis. What’s causing the rut you’re in? If you truly want to dig yourself out of that trench, you must know why you fell into the gutter to begin with. Are you taking care of yourself? You may think sleep or proper nutrition are luxuries, but trust me: They are not. Are you like four days past your bedtime? I finally got eight hours of sleep; it took me three days, but whatever. Lol. Perhaps you need to find a way to calm your overactive mind, like meditation and deep breathing. When was the last time you felt totally relaxed? After all, worry is like a beach walk in July – wearing a down coat and expecting snow. Sheesh.

Changing daily habits can change your life. Sure, I would love a prince to come along and rescue me from the dragons of life. But no one can save you but yourself. Try to understand your current life situations from as many points of view as you can. No need to make changes just yet; simply observe. You may notice how or whom you blame when things don’t go as planned. Start by naming your problems or challenges. Then take the first step toward solving them.

Anything you would not say to your best friend, please do not say to yourself. The tragic truth is that we humans cling and clasp onto what is most familiar and comfortable. So some of us continue to maintain self-destructive patterns of pain and suffering. The great news, however, is that we can break those old habits and form new, healthy ones. Try accepting, rather than punishing yourself for a change. If you really knew your worth, you would stop giving people discounts.

Find humor in the kooky, eccentric things about you. What are some of the off- beat, outlandish things you say or do? C’mon, be good natured about yourself for a change. The trick is not to let people know how weird you are till it’s too late for them to back out. Heh. Hey, you have to be odd to be number one.

And for mercy sake, stop looking outside of yourself for your ideas, values, or even tastes. Pay more attention to what is going on inside of you. First thing in the morning or right before bed, take a few minutes to remind yourself of all the good things about you. Remember to be proud of your positive choices and accomplishments in this life. Your ideas and opinions matter more than your Chanel bag or title at work. You know the best way to appreciate your job? Imagine yourself without one.

If I asked you to name all the things you love, sweet friends, how long would it take you to name yourself?

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at or at