The successful landing of the unmanned Israeli spacecraft Beresheet on the lunar surface elicited cheers from Jerusalem as the Jewish state joined an elite club of nations who have vehicles parked on the surface of earth’s only natural satellite. “It’s a terrific opportunity to learn about the conditions of the moon, giving us clues to the creation of the earth, appropriate to the name of our mission,” said its director.
As with all Israeli technological endeavors, the lunar landing resulted in a United Nations resolution condemning the Israeli occupation of the lunar surface. “We will not accept an illegitimate nation’s occupation of outer space,” said Palestinian peace negotiator Saeb Erekat. “Whether it is a balcony being built in Bet El or a rover leaving its mark on the Sea of Tranquility, this was all Palestinian before 1967.”
Erekat added that the Israeli presence on the moon is not only a nationalist matter, but also an affront to Islam. “We calculate our calendar by observing the moon. How can we look at the moon when there’s an Israeli flag on its surface? We demand full and unconditional Israeli withdrawal from the lunar surface.” In typical UN procedure, the resolution passed by a vote of 120 to 4 with dozens of abstentions.
“Once I can get my house in order, I will provide free lunar fuel to my Palestinian brothers,” said Venezuelan (ex-)president Nicolas Maduro. “It’s the socialist thing to do.”
“I have a gemara from Maseches Rosh HaShanah that discusses how Rabbi Zeira said in the name of Rabbi Nachman how to measure the moon as it concerns the months. Erekat is welcome to learn from us,” said Israeli UN Ambassador Dani Danon. “This is how we do the lunar calendar without direct observation.” He added that there are currently seven African states, Micronesia, and South Korea participating in the daily lunch and Daf Yomiprogram at the UN.
By Sergey Kadinsky