Believe it or not, in some of your saddest moods, what you really need to strengthen is your power of imagination. When you are troubled, you simply cannot envision a better life than the one you presently have.
What you truly require is the ability to find different or additional solutions to your problems. He just broke up with you. You cannot picture yourself with anyone else. You were let go from your job. Hey, I’m quitting my job to pursue the dream of not working here. You know what they say: The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form. But truly, you simply cannot imagine finding another job at this time. If you have been deeply hurt, you surely cannot fathom ever trusting anyone again.
However, with enough inspiration and innovation, you can learn to make new choices and find creative solutions. While it’s true that many people are cruel, many people are also kind and loving. We can surely make an effort to seek them out. After all, life is short, just like me.
Some sadly are called upon by fate to start all over. They may suffer losses that are unimaginable. Human beings are extremely, exceedingly flexible. Sure, many possibilities may be closed to you, but you will get by and endure. Old ways will not open new doors.
You may have found yourself in a dark, familiar frame of mind. One failure seems to remind you of all your past flops and foul-ups. Now you may become overwhelmed with the doubtful nature of your entire existence. You must try a fresh approach to defeatism and despondency, sweet friends.
None of us leads a picture-book, unblemished life. How many feel like failures around family, work, or even love? I know. There are two things you are grateful for: 1 – Family and Friends; 2 – Caller ID, to avoid certain family and friends. But truly, your mind may be misfiring gloom-ridden thoughts all day long. Learn to retell the story of your failings to yourself, please. Assemble your judgments into a more compassionate, consoling version. Making mistakes is better than faking perfection.
You think she would not have made the mistake you did? Think again. She has her own distinctive history and childhood. Oh, and when you were a kid and wanted to get older, I bet this is not what you expected. But seriously, he, too, is weak and inadequate in certain areas, as well. Please accept your limitations with grace.
Is your favorite indoor sport beating yourself up? Is life passing you by or trying to run you over? Your inner life may at times feel disheartening to you. But do you truly know what his inner life feels like to him? Trust me, you are likely to find the same vulnerabilities and fragility.
Do not be barbarically cruel to yourself. Do learn how to give yourself a break. You can be forgiven for mistakes. We all have obstacles to overcome. Do not constantly try to prove yourself to others. When you’re in your own lane, there’s no traffic.
We are all beset by bad habits, and some of us have been inadequately parented. Well, you know what they say: A good way to prepare yourself for parenthood is to talk to rocks, because they have similar listening habits. But truly, when was the last time you had a detailed critique of your personality? Surely, you may not even realize how irritating or maddening you may be in her eyes. Perhaps you drive him crazy with your self-pity parties and sulking.
Many of us use work to simply escape intimacy. Sound familiar? Perhaps you have weird eating or sleeping habits. I followed a diet, but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it. Listen, I’m cut from a different cloth. And they don’t make that fabric anymore. If your friend or loved one chooses to hold up a mirror and lovingly points out these things to you, do you get offended and upset?
We all have distasteful traits when seen close up. We are defective in different ways, my friends. Ask yourself: How are you challenging or even difficult to live with? Fill in the blank: When I am tired, I _____. Fill in the blank. When I am too hungry, I… etc.
Get acquainted with the way that you are demanding or even unpleasant to be around.
Relationships require a lot of effort and time. Your loved ones can help you figure out who you truly are. Choose the ones who add to your world.
Remember, you are not less of person if he does not approve of you. It may even be a compliment to your worthiness. Some come into your life as blessings. Others, as lessons. It’s been said: If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow. Choose wisely, my friends.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.