What do you think the key to your peace of mind is? Can you put it into words? What if you were told that you need not be upset or miserable if she judges you? It’s okay if he decides to simply walk away. Why lose your precious energy if there is nothing you can do about how others behave anyway?
Many have postulated theories about this very thing. How you handle life and relationships is due to your mindset, sweet friends. It’s healthy to acknowledge your feelings, but if he hurts you, or if she misunderstands you, instead of becoming overwhelmed with negative emotion, you learn to “let go.”
You can become skilled at how to center yourself and give up the illusion of control. By reacting or reciprocating the hurt, you may believe she will change. This is a dream and a delusion. You must become able to protect your priceless energy.
Believe it or not, you are not responsible for her drama. Please stop trying to “fix” him. You are only using up all your emotional fuel. You may spend a great deal of time thinking about the time she wronged you. Now the anger is bubbling up to the surface. I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
But seriously, your co-worker undermined you at work again. Your friend betrayed your confidence. Yet carrying around that resentment is literally poisonous for you. What does it feel like when you relive the pain or anger he caused you?
Your brain may become fixated, and this erodes your mental health. You will surely find it difficult to find peace. What is your mind consumed with right now? Do not become a prisoner of your past, please.
Set yourself free by embracing acceptance of those whom you cannot change. By all means, find things that nourish your soul. Do you know what they are? Holding onto a grudge gets awfully heavy, sweet friends. It can color all your future interactions with others. But most of all, it robs you of the inner peace that you deserve.
You may not take out your anger on the one who wronged you but on others as well. Your capacity for compassion can eventually fade. Understanding why he hurt you will never justify what he did. But you can gain distance and clarity.
Life is short—and so is your temper? Uh oh. It is no longer about what she did to you, but what you are doing to yourself. By learning to let go, you reclaim your power. Release your grip and do not allow negative emotions to consume you.
We all have emotional wounds. You are in charge of your journey toward healing. Let go of anger and embrace freedom. So she didn’t invite you to the latest event. He posted something passive-aggressive online. You got really mad. But remind yourself several times a day: you don’t look good in orange.
But seriously, let your inner peace be louder than the noise of resentment. You do not need the inner turmoil of fretting over their behavior. Observe your anger or disappointment and calmly detach. Think about what deserves your mental energy right now. No one expects you to tolerate abusive or hurtful behavior. You can always choose how to react and respond.
Reclaim control of the one person you can: your sweet self. You simply cannot ignore your negative emotions away. Once you acknowledge them, you can learn how to react in a healthy way.
Suppressing that anger is like putting a cork in a volcano. The feeling itself cannot hurt you. It is your reaction to it that most certainly can. Find a healthy outlet. What wholesome activity brings you joy?
Sweat out your feelings with a run or your favorite workout. Don’t have one? Oh, and no, StairMaster doesn’t mean someone who lords over a staircase. My fitness goal? To be able to carry all my grocery bags inside in one trip. But truly, treat yourself to a massage. Ahhhhhh. Do what helps you ride the storm till it passes. Remember that the only way to win with a toxic person—is not to play.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.