On any given day, you might be discussing the most profound things with your mate or best friend—the political upheaval in the world or what love language you prefer. As the saying goes: “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.” Perhaps you watch a documentary about the effects of social media on children.

But guess what? It may astonish you to know that close couples and friends often spend much of their time discussing quite trivial matters: the new album your favorite artist just dropped, the shoes that are trending this spring. The truth is that when you are truly intimate with someone, this kind of sharing is typical.

What recipe did you share this week? What was your score in the pickleball tournament? When you know him really well or love her truly, you do not always feel the need to philosophize or analyze the state of the world.

How often do you find yourself shooting the breeze with your friends? Do you schmooze or chew the fat over your cup of coffee with your close work friend? When life gets blurry, adjust your coffee settings. Then again, they say happiness is accidentally finding fries at the bottom of the bag. Believe it or not, we must balance what is serious and solemn with what is bright and breezy.

Dare to show her who you actually are—not who you pretend to be or pose as. This is an honor you may grant to only a handful of people in your entire life. While most know your rational and reasonable self, true friends can be introduced to your odd and offbeat side as well.

Allow him into the natural, primal part of yourself—the part that cares not about the rules of society. The truth is that when we like someone and seek validation from them, we sometimes do crazy or curious things. Some of us stalk our friends on social media, just hoping the next notification is from them.

Do you find yourself re-reading his texts over and over? Do you obsess about how long it took her to text you back? What does that mean? We all know the dread of seeing those dot-dot-dots and then no text coming at all. Don’t get upset. After all, everyone checks their phone every five seconds all day long.

Some of us get upset if our friends appear to be copying us—our favorite phrases or even our mannerisms. Others are flattered. Friends who spend a lot of time together sometimes unconsciously mirror each other. How do you feel about that?

Sometimes your friends do not especially accept a new friend into the friendship circle. Do you put in the effort to include him when he joins the tennis team? We have all done things with our loved ones that frankly we are not particularly interested in. Maybe you went to that museum exhibit with her or hit the gym with him when you preferred to hit the snooze button. I know—four minutes into your run, you decided to work on your personality instead. Heck, I want to go on a diet too, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.

But seriously, if she comes out of her comfort zone, that says a great deal about the way she feels about you. Relationships will always remain complicated, sweet friends. Signals do get crossed often. As someone once said: “I don’t sweat the small stuff; I snack through it.” But truly, how one friend reacts to what you said or did may be totally different from how another reacts.

Be forward with your praise for your loved ones, sweet friends. That will leave little to chance as to her knowing you care about her. Feel free to ask him his opinion on matters. Asking his input may very well make him feel cared about or respected. And who knows? You may learn something too.

Who do you feel you can be yourself around? Observe who you feel the most relaxed with. You feel at ease with him. You feel no tension or awkwardness when spending the day with her. Okay, you know what he does for a living. You know her favorite ice cream flavor. Have you talked about childhood experiences, family life, or past relationships? So how well do you really know the people you know?

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.