Raise your hand if you have a Stanley water bottle. Does it signify your social status? Hydration, but make it fashion. Admit it. How many overpriced items have you thought of purchasing simply to “fit in”?
Did you notice how suddenly everyone rushes to buy some item in the store simply because everyone else seemed to want it? Are you one of those people? It could have been a trending cardigan or the latest tech gadget that blew up on TikTok. Then again, they say: Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window.
I know. You insist that you think and act independently in life, but the uncomfortable truth is that we humans are influenced by the masses and media far more than we even realize. Yes, many of us, perhaps even you, tend to be bandwagoners. As they say: If everyone is jumping off a bandwagon, does it count as an epidemic or a fashion statement?
What’s in your home or closet right now that’s “trending”? Ideas, even harmful ones, can seem to explode overnight and take hold of millions of people. As long as “everyone else believes it,” it must be true. Or so they think.
Years ago, single religious, pious people were encouraged to socialize in proper settings and introduce themselves to one another. But suddenly, the idea that this is inappropriate or immodest took hold. Now singles think they must use a matchmaker and follow made-up “rules” simply to get a date. Why did this belief grab hold despite the fact that it has literally created a “crisis” that heretofore never existed?
Simply because the majority validated this new “dating system” does not indicate that this is a trustworthy, healthy method. Be bold. Respectfully ask a girl on a date all on your own. You do not need others to testify for her. Nor should you seek collective approval from those who have failed you.
Fear of communal judgment should not deter you, sweet friends. Emotional contagion plays a huge role in trend formation. Start a new trend, which is in fact an old trend and the way things were historically done. Help shape the future of your single friends.
Believe it or not, the brain may treat a popular idea or thing as evidence. But it is evidence with no proof or even logic whatsoever. It is simply popular. Sure, at times in our history, your very survival may have depended on staying with the group. And yes, we are biologically programmed to be social and to form community.
But why now? You may feel uncomfortable going against the grain. Are you influenced by what he believes or supports? Are you swayed in your fashion choices based on what she wore? Do “influencers” actually influence you? Don’t let someone’s two cents bankrupt you.
Of course, “fitting in” can foster a sense of camaraderie, even community at times. But sometimes, sweet friends, you need to make your own path. The herd mentality can be quite a dangerous thing, as many have witnessed these last few years.
Wearing that designer cap or driving that luxury car may satisfy a human craving for acceptance. Speaking of cars, you know what they say: It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower, and vacuum cleaner.
But seriously, beware of agreeing with and adopting the behavior of those around you if it is based on fear of confrontation or rejection.
Does your Wi-Fi signal influence your mood? Social media has simply replaced what used to be everyday transactions for many. Sharing “content” or the latest trend is not the same as spilling out your heart over a cup of coffee. Does your camera see you more than people do? What is flooding your social media feed right now? It’s been said: Technology should improve your life, not become your life. No posting. No liking. Just living.
If you constantly find yourself searching for the next “big thing,” please check your flock mentality. Notice how trends even influence the way you speak and the words you choose. How often do you use the word “navigate”?
Indeed, mirroring behavior brings comfort. Remember that water has no effect on fake flowers. Find those with whom you share values, a lifestyle, and even a sense of humor instead.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.