You work because, well—you simply need to. No one else is paying your tuition, and nothing is cheap nowadays. And you know what they say: Tuition: A large sum of money paid by parents so their child can learn how to write an email asking for more money. Indeed, your bills seem endless. But honestly, some of us overwork because, frankly, we fear stillness and quiet.
You may even be afraid of your own mind. Do your friends even know you outside of your accomplishments and achievements? You may have been convinced that you simply have no value beyond what you “do.”
It may be that you use the noise from without to drown out your feelings within. Yet you cannot prevent colliding with the unexpected in this life, sweet friends. Some remain in flight from their own sadness or regret. Perhaps you simply need to be held gently.
Do you have any idea what to do in order to find inner peace? It is difficult to know your own mind even in the best of times. How can you secure even basic information about your motivations?
You may wish to be free of some of the hang-ups that spoil so much of your life. It can be quite discouraging to realize your ignorance of your very own psyche. And as they say: The ignorant are ignorant of their ignorance. But seriously, you may know something about yourself intellectually but not emotionally. “What does that mean?” you ask.
Well, you may remember that your father was distant when you were a child, and you now appear a bit apprehensive around authority figures. Perhaps you never truly got the support you needed to tolerate yourself.
But despite discovering this knowledge, your fearfulness may not even diminish. Understanding your past will not by itself be able to release you from all of your symptoms. You must edge your way toward an appreciation of your past with an emotional understanding.
You might even have to re-experience parts of your childhood. Where were your ideas about yourself originally formed? Do you remember the whole story or simply the headlines of what you went through as a child? Speaking of kids today, when did socks and sandals become a fashion statement? And apparently, a hoodie is the new tuxedo.
But seriously, perhaps you had a challenging or even troublesome relationship with your mother. Speaking of motherhood: You know you are a mama when you reread Goldilocks and finally understand why Mama Bear’s porridge was cold. But honestly, you may have to relive the heightened anxiety you felt when you were around her. Oftentimes, we felt as though we did not meet our parents’ expectations.
Insight alone will not heal us, sweet friends. Re-experiencing the emotions, often with their full intensity, helps us reconnect with the feelings we have in the present. We can certainly correct behaviors when we get in touch with our true feelings. Take the time and do address the real troubles of your life.
Psychological ideas may be intellectually stimulating, but feelings must eventually be encountered, listened to, and maybe even comforted by someone you trust. What was it like to be you in elementary school, high school, college?
Learn how to pause between stimulus and response. Responding is not the same as reacting, sweet friends. And remember, it’s been said: It takes more than intelligence to act intelligently.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Woodmere. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and on weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..