Your car broke down, and your two-year-old had his unending scheduled tantrum this morning. “Check engine”? Yup, it’s still there. Listen, my car broke down. Instead of AAA, I called A.A. by mistake. They could only move my car 12 steps.
A train delay is now making you late for a job you don’t even want to be at. What? You almost went to work today with a positive attitude but luckily sarcasm stepped in to save the day?
It is all quite maddening. It may be difficult for you to hold onto the idea that many hassles and hindrances might just happen by chance. The universe is not intentionally aiming at you. Yes, dreadful things unfold in our lives, often at untimely, unfortunate moments.
Okay, the restaurant got your order wrong. Ugh. The phone battery died. Oh, no, not that. I know. You need a phone battery with 500%. You know if running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones, we would be the healthiest people on the planet.
Is the universe purposely frustrating me? It may strongly feel as though there’s a scheme to make you miserable. All these things can’t just be an accident, can they?
You feel undermined and become angry at the world. If you hate yourself deep down in your heart, you may come to believe that the world is indeed mocking you. “They” must all know how dreadful you are, and that’s why the waiter spilled your coffee, and the cable company saw fit to disrupt your service on the very day you need it the most. Then again, spilling coffee on your lap wakes you faster than drinking it.
But sincerely, sometimes our distrustful nature may be a symptom of our self-doubt. We may lack certainty and even lose faith that perhaps some things do happen for a reason. Your lack of confidence may owe its origins to your childhood, in which you lacked the attention or support you so sorely needed. This may haunt you later life in the form of presumed plots that the universe has against you. How much time do you spend asking: Why me?
Instead of raging at what seems like the randomness of all existence, please have compassion for yourself, sweet friends. Many people will disagree with you vehemently nowadays. They will label you “selfish” or even evil for some of your views. You have tried to shrug them all off, but perhaps that attempt was entirely ineffective.
No need to defend yourself or your beliefs to anyone. Do not cave in internally by feeling upset or melting into gloominess. Perhaps you are being criticized unfairly and your friends, loved ones, or colleagues simply do not truly want your side of the story. If you truly believe you are on the side of righteousness, then do not fret. Just make sure you are on your own side.
It is always hard to face opposition, but ask yourself: Why are their accusations and allegations disturbing and distressing me so much? Some have become vicious and aggressive with their ways of thinking. Instead, absorb the kindness of people. Grasp onto friends who speak your language of love.
Talk to yourself lovingly, despite efforts of those around you to shame you into submission. If you see me talking to myself, just move right along. We’re having a team meeting. But genuinely, as soon as you try to force things, it increases your stress inordinately. We cannot control external circumstances, sweet friends. Do not become obsessed with achieving happiness through the outside world.
Move with Nature rather than against it. Explore ways to let go of your attachments in your daily life. Sometimes you just need to leave some things alone. We sometimes sabotage our own progress by trying too hard. What seems like awful luck may be a blessing in disguise.
Well-being is possible by not expecting to always get what we want. Instead of always needing others to approve and validate you, be humble. Praise oftentimes is not even truly deserved. Do not be directed by the approval or lack of it from others. Love is an inside job.
When things seem to go well, are you happy and content? Turn your attention within, please. Ponder your thoughts, choices, and attitudes. Be a better friend to yourself. Reassure yourself that you are essentially lovable. What are you getting right?
We have emerged from childhood with acquired habits and prejudices. Mistakes can be points of reference for us to learn from and to grow. Direct your love to someone who may need it the most; do not fall prey to self-accusations all day long. Things that happened at the hands of others may explain some of your shortcomings. However, do not tear yourself apart over this.
You are not entirely in control and therefore not entirely to blame for everything that goes wrong. Do you ever take pleasure in just being yourself? Me? I got it all together. But I forgot where I put it.
But truly, don’t drag every negative thought into the theatre of your consciousness, please. If those pessimistic thoughts keep trying to make their way into your mind, play some of your favorite music, and please say “No” to them.
If your mind tends to be self-torturing, ask yourself: How much do I actually like myself? Emotional health comes through self-awareness, my friends. Rediscover your virtues, find genuine self-worth, and master the art of self-compassion. Heck, if speaking kindly to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking kindly to yourself can do.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.