Feelin’ Funny: Mordechai Schmutter

I’m on the phone.

No one loves sitting on the phone with customer service, but you’d think that the most efficient companies for this – the ones that the others should look up to as the model of how things should be done – are the cell phone companies.  They should have it all figured out.  But instead, using a phone to call a phone number to activate an entirely different phone than the one you’re on is not any easier than buying a new computer using the computer you have that you’re looking to replace. 

Every year, in honor of President’s Day, I present a bunch of fun facts about one of our presidents, going in chronological order.  I plan to do this every year until I get to a recent-enough president that people get upset at me for the jokes.

It’s that time of year – all the yeshivas and shuls are making dinners, so that everyone can get together for a night of chizuk and community and trying very hard not to say that this is all about the money.

How often do you think about the Roman Empire?

Probably more often than the Roman Empire thinks about you.

If you have boys, at some point they’re going to break some bones.  I mean girls break their bones too, but not really more than adults, I don’t think.  Boys are more likely, when you ask, “How did that happen?” for them to tell you an activity that was not super necessary in the first place.  The kind of activity that when you consider doing it yourself, you say, “Nah, I don’t really have for a broken arm today.”

DISCLAIMER: Baruch Hashem, we are living in phenomenal times, when all of the anti-Semites around us are finally outing themselves so we don’t have to wonder who they are. But with more and more of them coming out of the woodwork these days, it has come to my attention that my columns have not been very inclusive. Mostly, I talk to a large audience of Yidden about things that Yidden can relate to – sometimes I even talk about things that secular people can relate to – but I never really talk to the antisemites.