There is a fundamental truth of existence that pain is inevitable. It is an intrinsic part of life. Some of us take ill, lose our jobs, and eventually lose even our loved ones. But have you noticed that the greatest affliction and adversity hardly affects some, while the smallest inconvenience leaves others in a perpetual state of misery?
Apparently, we can manage our degree of suffering. We all experience fear and loss and get enveloped by sadness or disappointment at times. We cannot escape unhappiness, but we can minimize further suffering. You may have accumulated wealth, or you work on self-perfection at the gym four times a week. I know. Money doesn’t solve all problems. But it could solve your money problem. And no, cutting carbs does not mean slicing your bread.
Now that the mainstream media has blown a million whistles on imaginary fouls, have you become obsessed with safety or the prevention of illness? You know what they say: A man’s health can be judged by which he takes two at a time: pills or stairs.
The fact is that despite your effort to slow down aging or to deny your mortality, they will occur nonetheless. And they remain fully out of your control. Do you live in constant pursuit of your desires? Do you find what you seek? Does your happiness depend on outside circumstances? Know this: The more you attach yourself to status or outside happenings, the more prone you are to the opposite outcome. We can always lose what we have gained, sweet friends.
Fear of losing may generate more suffering than owning all those possessions. Listen, I was meant to be rich; I can tell by the way I spend money. You know what they say: There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune. Go there with a large one. But seriously, observe how you react to life’s events. When you experience discomfort, do you accept that it may be natural trials and tribulations of life? Or do you increase your distress and difficulty by rebelling against it? Getting infuriated, irate, and outraged can make an awful situation even worse.
If you sink into depression or self-blame, you may become sad because you are sad. Your uneasiness increases when you get anxious about being anxious. Please pause and choose wisely. Be aware that suffering is an unfortunate part of life. But you can learn to let go of the intensity of your emotional response. Examine your inner landscape.
Do you choose to marinate in self-pity? They say: The mind is like tofu. It tastes like whatever you marinate it in. Hey, I decided against a tofu joke because it was tasteless. But truly, do not cling to anything too deeply. Much of life is illusory. Bad times may be inevitable, but you can still enjoy the moment that you are in at this very moment.
What do you fear that you are missing out on? You can feel quite dissatisfied in your life viewing the highlights of others’ lives on social media. We must actually learn to experience the pain of “missing out.” Comparison may make you fear that you don’t have what he seems to have. You cannot have it all, sweet friends. You know what they say: We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules. But truly, you can only experience a fraction of what life really has to offer.
You need to change your perspective by focusing on what you did not miss out on. If you often feel envy or even restlessness, you cannot fully enjoy what you truly have. Once upon a time you may have only hoped for some of the things you have now. What haven’t you missed out on?
So, you really desired something deeply a few years ago. Trust me, many of these idealized things are not nearly as great as we imagined. They may have even brought about negative consequences in our lives. Is that awful hangover worth the temporary high and escape from the night before?
Do not indulge in destructive habits to simply avoid FOMO. Missing out may actually be a triumph and an achievement. We need to accept fate with a flexible attitude. Of course you wish to achieve your dreams; but wanting too much from the universe can make you susceptible to disappointment.
Embrace things the way they come to you in life. Emotions are of our own making. People will always be unpredictable. So she wasn’t friendly. He was arrogant and ungrateful. Do not allow yourself to be overly distressed or disturbed by the manifestations of others. Adversity is simply a part of life.
The universe is transient, my friends. Do what is up to you and within your control. Your happiness does not depend on outside circumstances ultimately. Do not be a servant to your passions. Remember to embrace what you are inherently good at. And please focus on the brief instant you are in right now.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
