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It happened: I finally got a traffic ticket, after 20 years of driving, on and off.  I would not recommend it.  For one thing, it takes forever.  How long does it take to write a ticket?  I ask this as a professional writer.

It’s finally occurred to me why I’m not a multi-millionaire.  And no, it’s not because I’m a writer and a teacher, which are two jobs that pay so little that doing both of them together actually makes you get paid less somehow.  It’s because my work is never seen by non-Jews.  And there are way more non-Jews than Jews out there, I’ve noticed.  Okay, I haven’t noticed.  I mostly hang out in yeshivas, where the Jews outnumber the Gentiles by about a hundred bochurim to one janitor and a couple of math teachers.  But in most of the world, I’ve got to tell you: There are a lot of Gentiles out there.  So many that instead of being called “Jews” and “non-Jews”, maybe it should be “Gentiles” and “non-Gentiles”.  And the weird thing is that most of them don’t even know they’re Gentiles. 

When it comes to finding entertainment for kids who are stuck at home, there’s nothing like a puzzle.  Puzzles have been disappointing kids for eons.  Because it looks like a game – you even keep it with the games – but it isn’t a game.  It’s a problem to solve.  And it’s not even your problem.

Would you consider yourself handy?

And by “handy”, I don’t mean “convenient to have around”.  You probably consider yourself that.  I mean in the sense of a handyman, who, come to think of it, is pretty handy to have around.  But not for too long, because they charge by the hour. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about my traffic ticket lately.  Though I think I’m supposed to. 

So I finally got my day in court.  Traffic court, to be precise. 

My day in court was a Tuesday.  The ticket I got actually said Shabbos, so I called to voice my concerns, and they said, “Actually, that’s not the court date.  That’s just the deadline to schedule your court date.”