On Sunday evening, June 2, community members flocked to Ohel Sara to hear a shiur on transforming relationships, hosted by Chazaq and featuring Rabbi Gavriel Friedman, well-known speaker. The shiur was in memory of Jacke Friedman z”l, Natan Nata z”l, and HaRav Yechiel Yitzchak ben Leah z”l. The shiur was sponsored by Amudim, UJA, and Ohel Sara.
Rabbi Friedman began by sharing the idea that the answer to the question, “What is Shavuos?” can be summed up in one word: Torah.
It’s an anniversary in a sense of the marriage of klal Yisrael and Hashem. On every holiday we relive what happened. We are really feeling the spiritual energy of marriage between us and Hashem now. It’s happening again.
He recalled how Rabbi Zechariah Wallerstein z”l once taught a shiur to a group of his students, and he said that Hashem is like your father. Hashem loves you like a father. The shiur didn’t go well. It was a roomful of girls who did not have a good relationship with their fathers.
Throughout Jewish literature, Hashem is given many appellations: our King, our Father, friend, a lover, a confidant. Why all these names? The answer is that each individual can choose one that he or she can relate to. He added that Hashem loves you as much as you love your child. Each parent aspires to be the best parent and to do the most for his child.
Shavuos is that anniversary of the marriage of klal Yisrael and Hashem.
He spoke about someone named Brian Scalabrine. He played basketball with a lot of people, and no one could beat him. He made it to the NBA with a huge amount of work. We tend to look at the end result, but we have to look at the steps to help us to reach the finish line.
A championship is a culmination of a lot of small wins. It’s not just about the championship. It’s about overcoming challenges, step by step.
In every one of our relationships, we are either closer or farther away from the person. The challenge is to recognize the need for lots of small wins in between. The hard part is building focus and stamina.
If we aren’t putting effort actively to grow closer, then we are moving farther away. There are micro experiences that you don’t see the progress or lack of progress day by day.
In the beginning of any relationship, there is excitement about seeing each other. Then words become too automatic. That passion, desire, and focus in the beginning can wane and become normal so you grow farther apart. If you aren’t going towards it, then it’s a problem.
We need to ask ourselves what our relationship is with Hashem. If it’s not getting closer to Hashem, then it’s moving farther away. Either we are moving closer to Hashem and our relationship is growing deeper and more meaningful, or it’s slowing down. It’s about our intent as we perform mitzvos. There’s no suddenly. It’s a slow but steady drawing closer or falling away. As we approach Shavuos, it is the ultimate relationship.
We literally count the days one at a time. Start the process where you are. He noted that slow and steady wins the race to having a good marriage.
In marriage, if we fall, we need to pick ourselves up. We have to make the choice: If we want a relationship, then we have to constantly take those small steps.
This shiur can be viewed on TorahAnytime.com.
By Susie Garber
