Dr. Shloimie Zimmerman, world-renowned speaker and consultant to many nonprofits, psychologist, and author, along with Rabbi David Sutton, Rabbi at Yad Yosef, author, and the Director of SIMHA (Sephardic Initiative for Mental Health Awareness) produced a series of panel discussions on Elul, the Yamim Nora’im, and mental health. It was produced with some of the g’dolei Yisrael. The first interview was with Rabbi Uri Deutsch, the Rabbi of Congregation of Forest Park (Lakewood, New Jersey).
Rabbi David Sutton, the moderator, greeted everyone for a panel discussion on the path for a meaningful, positive, uplifting Elul and Rosh HaShanah.
He shared that Rav Shlomo Wolbe taught that there is a place for a partnership with Torah to build a person, and psychiatric wisdom for the rehabilitation of a person. When psychologists and rabbanim work together, they can bring great blessing to people. They can prevent psychological problems for many people who are on the border of developing psychological problems, and they can help people to get the proper therapy.
Rav Wolbe taught how to approach Rosh HaShanah without anxiety or despair and how to remove panic and confusion that attacks everyone when Rosh HaShanah approaches. How do we avoid these seemingly natural responses.
Rabbi Deutsch shared that people are thinking that Hashem can inexplicably tear away our world from us and undermine everything we have become comfortable with, for reasons we don’t understand. Elul and Rosh HaShanah can cause us to respond with fear. We think that the more fearful we are, and the more aware we are of the significance of these days, it will help us get through them.
Elul brings uncertainty. You can’t take for granted that everything you had last year will still be yours.
Rabbi Sutton pointed out that people think the way to get through it is to increase fear and worry.
Rabbi Deutsch shared that fear comes from ignorance and not understanding what Elul and Yom HaDin are about. We want a magic button to let us in the right door. The answer to this problem can be found fundamentally in the Ramban in Parshas Emor. The Torah calls Rosh HaShanah “Yom T’ruah” – not Yom HaDin. We understand din comes as a consequence of the essence of the day of Yom T’ruah. It is a day of blowing the shofar, which is a day of Malchiyus. Din is a byproduct of being part of Malchiyus. Emphasis on din is to help us actualize the reality of Malchiyus.
The approach we need to use during the days of Elul is to begin to understand what Malchiyus is and that it impacts us with the concept of din. Instead, we focus too much on din, which causes panic and uncertainty. Chazal explain how we should go through din in a growth-oriented way, and this depends on how we understand Malchiyus. The Gra writes that these days should lead a person to deep joy, understanding that he has a Divine mission and a unique role. “Din makes real that Divine purpose that one was created for.”
Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky taught that din is not mentioned in the Torah. Rabbi Sutton shared that the Torah left it out because it would take away from Rosh HaShanah. It would be like a gun at your head, so to speak, forcing you.
Dr. Zimmerman said that anxiety comes from the inability to maintain certainty in an uncertain world. People feel that if they press the right levers, then Hashem will align with them; and if they don’t press the right ones, then Hashem won’t align with them.
We’re trying to control, and instead we need to let go and realize whatever Hashem wants is going to happen. We have no control over the majority of things in our lives that happen.
The element in our control is how we can attach ourselves to Hashem. We work on things we can’t control, like making money, instead of attaching to Hashem, which is in our control.
Chazal say that the human response to fear is avoidance. How can we come close to Hashem through fear? This is a contradiction. The Nesivos Shalom teaches that it’s like someone drowning, and a lifeguard reaches him. Now, his fear is of letting go of the lifeguard.
Rav Wolbe shared a mashal of a father dancing on Simchas Torah with his child on his shoulders. He is afraid that the child could fall off. Fear should be fear of detachment from life, and not fear of what’s going to be with me. It’s all in Hashem’s hands.
Rabbi Sutton shared a pasuk in Mishlei: “Fear of Hashem adds days.” Rabbeinu Yonah taught that worry weakens your strength and brings a person closer to death. Worry about your sins, and yir’as Hashem doesn’t take away from your days; rather, they add to your days.
When do you know when its yir’as Shamayim or anxiety?
Rabbi Deutsch answered that Rabbeinu Yonah means: Worry about Hashem is worry about how we are adding to our days. We shouldn’t wallow in guilt. We need to use past experience to inform us, so we don’t repeat mistakes. If we want to measure if something is considered worry about Hashem, we need to ask ourselves if we are worrying about the present or the past? We need to introspect if it’s a process by which I am generating addition of my days, a positive path forward, or just wallowing in guilt.
Examine your life to see what deviation from Hashem’s purpose is happening to lead you to an emotional vacuum. Make a commitment to seek what will lead to fulfillment based on past experience. We need to generate a clear path of positivity. Just wallowing in guilt is not healthy or what Hashem wants.
Dr. Zimmerman taught that we’re reading Chazal from our own lenses. We have so much fragmentation. There is a huge koach of negativity in the world to find brokenness. Rav Wolbe taught that the y’sod of Yiddishkeit is friendship and connection. Malchiyus is about forming a relationship. Mitzvos bring us close, and aveiros take us away. Hashem is everything natural and good.
Hashem created a world where we can relate to the infinite. We possess a neshamah that wants to cleave to that.
We need to live in the here and now. Hashem is looking at what’s imperative for your growth. Dr. Zimmerman explained that musar can be dangerous if a bachur beats himself up. We have to deal with enormous dark forces. It’s difficult if we haven’t looked inside. We have to realize there is darkness. A person needs to see he is jealous or whatever negativity he has, and to realize that Hashem made us that way. Then he needs to find ways to minimize darkness and bring light to it. We’re here to work on this. First, we have to realize that bad thoughts don’t make us bad. The purpose of dark thoughts and tests of Internet or jealousy is the bedrock of our avodah. That’s why we’re here. We need to ask ourselves where am I in my life? Am I not exercising my free choice enough, and what things are totally out of my reach?
We need to work from a realistic place. A rebbi needs to know where a bachur is. For example, if he’s full of shame, the rebbi then needs to help the bachur see that’s a distortion. Internal chatter is another challenge that is there to help us grow. The way to develop healthy people is to work with them to understand that struggles have infinite value.
Rabbi Deutsch shared that, of course, all humans had struggles. It’s a myth that a gadol is born a gadol. They had struggles like everyone else.
We need to be involved in the positive part of self. Inevitably, a person has to engage with his dark parts. Rav Hutner taught that the goal is to perfect the darker parts of ourselves and to integrate and build on them, so they become part of our whole self. Rav Hutner is saying that the dark parts are part of the growth. The Baal Shem Tov taught the idea that every part of us plays a role in our avodas Hashem. The universal cause of fear is of being with ourselves and finding darkness in ourselves.
Our children need to see us being brave to be individuals. We want children to see that we do what is right because it’s right, and it’s a deeply personal truth not to just be like everyone else.
Dr. Zimmerman shared that one of the deepest needs a person possesses is to connect with others. We struggle as a tzibur how to embrace each person as different. He added that all of the g’dolim were fierce individuals.
Our fears make us hold onto one path. Hashem is One. We need to take our challenges and dark parts and to understand that we are the only person like us, and that all the parts of us are there to help us shine.
We’ve become so afraid of differences. Post-October 7 taught us all different ways the tzibur can find a place in the cosmic symphony.
Anything I feel is competition is not spiritual. The litmus test of turning inward is if this isn’t leading me to desperately want to attach to Hashem. If that’s the case, then something is wrong.
Hashem will help! That message needs to be baked in.
We can do better. There needs to be a deeper appreciation of who we are. A deeper message we can give our children and students is that Elul is an invitation. Hashem wants us closer. Every person on their level can work on their Divine message.
Thank you to Rabbi Deutsch, Dr. Zimmerman, Rabbi Sutton, and SIMHA, for this meaningful life-changing program.
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By Susie Garber
