Choosing joy and happiness in our lives was Rebbetzin Raizel Schusterman’s theme during a Zoom presentation on July 11.
Rebbetzin Raizel Schusterman is a Certified Positive Psychology-Based Life Coach, and along with her husband, Rabbi Nechemia Schusterman, leads the Chabad of Peabody Jewish Center in Massachusetts.
The talk was sponsored by the Central Queens Jewish Community Circle, founded by Rebbetzin Mushky Mendelson of Congregation Machane Chodosh in Forest Hills.
We all want to be happy. The pursuit of happiness is enshrined in the American Declaration of Independence as an “unalienable Right,” said Rebbetzin Schusterman.
With Judaism, “Serving Hashem, having a purposeful life, having meaning in our life, it’s more of our goal.” “Happiness is a tool we use to help us to live our life in a more purposeful, meaningful way,” said Rebbetzin Schusterman.
Quoting Holocaust survivor, psychiatrist, and psychotherapist Viktor Frankl, “Purpose is something that will make you be able to live a happy, meaningful life.”
It’s an obligation to be happy in Judaism and serve G-d with joy, said Rebbetzin Schusterman. “We all want that. We want people to do things for us, happily, with simchah.”
“Real joy comes from internal work,” not being naïve or having “like toxic positivity,” said Rebbetzin Schusterman. Too often we don’t look into ourselves and believe happiness is found elsewhere. “I choose whether I want to be happy or I don’t want to be happy.”
Society too often promotes pleasure and materialism as a way to make us happy, but it doesn’t. People can’t get enough of more and more of these, said Rebbetzin Schusterman.
During the time around Rosh HaShanah, Jews take stock of themselves, their work, actions, and relationships. We need to see how we could change ourselves instead of blaming others.
Ask: “What can I offer? What can I give? What do I have available? What can I use?” “One of the tools to find more happiness is to look within ourselves to find that joy,” said Rebbetzin Schusterman.
A Harvard University study found that “the more isolated people are, the less happy they are.” “Loneliness has an equivalent risk factor to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Being lonely can shorten your lifespan by eight years,” said Rebbetzin Schuster.
It’s not just how many people one interacts with. “It’s being in a community. Having that sense of somebody who cares about you that you care about. People who have that in their life, live longer than those that don’t,” said Rebbetzin Schusterman.
“The more people have meaningful relationships, besides having purpose and meaning (in life), the happier the person.”
Rebbetzin Schusterman shared how she suffered from back pain for many years. She went to many doctors and underwent many tests. Then the Rebbetzin began to read “and did the work” from Dr. John Sarno’s books. “I started to heal.” The Rebbetzin has been pain-free for seven years, though there are occasional flare-ups.
Dr. Sarno talks about psychosomatic illnesses causing our brain to hold back oxygen from certain parts of our body, causing pain in our bodies.
“If the brain can do such a powerful thing by taking away or causing pain, I want to learn more about the brain,” which led Rebbetzin Schusterman to Positive Psychology, “the study of human flourishing.”
The Sh’ma prayer says one should love Hashem with one’s whole heart – quoting Rashi: with both the good and evil inclinations. Rashi also said that your heart should also not fight “with the Space (Makom).” G-d is that space that “can fill all spaces and all places. So, the idea is that you should not be in a fight with G-d.”
Rebbetzin Schusterman also cited Rabbi Aharon of Karlin: “Your heart shouldn’t be in a fight…where you are geographically, mentally, and physically.”
People think they would be happy if they grew up elsewhere, lived somewhere else, or had more money. Where we are at “is exactly where Hashem says I should be,” said Rebbetzin Schusterman.
Where you are “is not a tragedy but rather it’s a mission.” “Hashem has put you in this space, in this place, for a reason. And we can use our energy to find that,” said Rebbetzin Schusterman.
Positive Psychology says three factors determine your level of happiness. Genes are 50%, 10% is external circumstances (e.g., inheriting a lot of money, being hit by a car, etc.), and 40% “is your intentional activities. What you do about it, what you think, what you do, how you feel, how you go about it,” said Rebbetzin Schusterman.
A study of twins (fraternal and identical) by the University of Minnesota showed it’s the behavior – not what they have – that makes people happier: activities like spending more time with family, practicing optimism, exercising regularly, living in the moment, expressing gratitude for what one has, and savoring life’s pleasures.
Rebbetzin Schusterman said, “Happiness is a choice. Am I going to choose happiness?” “Just smiling brings a positive effect. You start to feel good.” A 1950s study showed how baseball players who smiled lived longer than baseball players who didn’t.
“It’s not only what happens to us, it’s what we choose to do about it.” “I’m not denying the truth. I’m choosing to look at what’s good here,” said Rebbetzin Schusterman.
“Spend time looking at what we have in our lives, less time focusing on what we don’t have.” “The brain has this ability to rewire itself,” create new neurotransmitters, with positivity and gratitude, said Rebbetzin Schusterman.
Rebbetzin Mushky Mendelson of Central Queens Jewish Community Circle said, “Happiness has very little to do with anything outside of our mind and heart.” Each person needs to figure out what that looks like for themselves. “It’s so empowering.”
Central Queens Jewish Community Circle’s goal is to comfort and involve the lonely, feed the hungry, and provide sustenance for the soul.
Rebbetzin Mushky Mendelson will be making a presentation during Shabbos Nachamu in Forest Hills.
“Unlocking Your Potential: Developing a Growth Mindset for Lifelong Success” with Joshua Hecht, LCSW-PC, will be on Tuesday, August 1.
Visit www.cqjcc.org for more information about Central Queens Jewish Community Circle and its upcoming events.
By David Schneier
