Feelin’ Funny: Mordechai Schmutter

I generally try to write about nice, relatable things, so what more relatable thing is there this week, the week after Tisha B’Av, than to write about a chasunah I recently went to that featured a mechanical bull?  It was set up right next to the tables on the men’s side. 

Would you consider yourself handy?

And by “handy”, I don’t mean “convenient to have around”.  You probably consider yourself that.  I mean in the sense of a handyman, who, come to think of it, is pretty handy to have around.  But not for too long, because they charge by the hour. 

A Camp Newsletter

Whew!  Another exciting week has come and gone at Camp Zareinu V’chaspeinu!  We, the head staff, are literally falling off our feet, and we’re not sure if our hearing is going to come back.  So for now, here’s a summary of what happened this week, in writing, because we know your kids don’t tell you anything, and if you come over and ask us on Shabbos, we’re just going to politely nod and laugh and hope it wasn’t a question. 

It’s finally occurred to me why I’m not a multi-millionaire.  And no, it’s not because I’m a writer and a teacher, which are two jobs that pay so little that doing both of them together actually makes you get paid less somehow.  It’s because my work is never seen by non-Jews.  And there are way more non-Jews than Jews out there, I’ve noticed.  Okay, I haven’t noticed.  I mostly hang out in yeshivas, where the Jews outnumber the Gentiles by about a hundred bochurim to one janitor and a couple of math teachers.  But in most of the world, I’ve got to tell you: There are a lot of Gentiles out there.  So many that instead of being called “Jews” and “non-Jews”, maybe it should be “Gentiles” and “non-Gentiles”.  And the weird thing is that most of them don’t even know they’re Gentiles. 

So I finally got my day in court.  Traffic court, to be precise. 

My day in court was a Tuesday.  The ticket I got actually said Shabbos, so I called to voice my concerns, and they said, “Actually, that’s not the court date.  That’s just the deadline to schedule your court date.” 

I’ve been thinking a lot about my traffic ticket lately.  Though I think I’m supposed to.