No doubt you have all been taught the rules of science at one time or another. Speaking of science: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? The food was out of this world, but there was no atmosphere. Think like a proton. Be positive. But seriously, have you ever been given tools on how to become emotionally healthy? How often do you look inward or reflect on your attitudes and choices in life? Can you read her moods? How well do you communicate with him?
Have you untangled your own deficits and deficiencies in order to improve your character? If you cultivate a deeper understanding of yourself and others, you can surely live a more compassionate, fulfilling life, sweet friends. How is it that we leave to chance some of the most crucial things we need to know in order to be emotionally sound?
Sure, you may want to feel “normal” and wish to feel as though you belong. You know what they say: “Normal is just a setting on your washing machine. Of course, our culture worships individualism; but truth be told, we want to “fit in.” Who told you what is normal, after all? Believe it or not, many people around you are much more anxious, sad, or even angrier than they appear to be.
Most of us are encouraged to deny those parts of ourselves in public and oftentimes do not even admit them to our closest friends. If your friends offer you an edited, distorted version of themselves, how are you to know the real truth? You may know what some of your disturbing thoughts or wishes are from close up, but you are simply left to guess what others think or do.
You become familiar with your own vulnerabilities but you may struggle to believe that he may have the very same ones. Wouldn’t it be nice to know what she is actually really like? Trust me, you are not alone in many of the things you think and experience, my friends.
It is quite natural to suffer silently or even to struggle in love and relationships. Beneath the surface and outward display, that couple is grappling with many issues. She may be profoundly sad when she gets home and the mask comes off.
Unfortunately, we are not told the whole truth. Thus, we believe that our level of anxiety or hidden worries make us unusual, untypical, and even odd. As they say: Be the weird you want to see in the world. Or something like that. Your strange thoughts or nagging anxieties are actually perfectly normal. She may opt to present as a poised and polished self in public. Trust me when I say she is more like you than you realize.
We all have complex histories, and many have suffered hurtful losses. How large is the gap between your hopes and your reality? Perhaps you need a grasp on what is not quite right with your inner life. Admit with good grace that you may actually be erratic and eccentric at times.
What are you like in your sad moments, or when anxiety strikes? When was the last time you had an attack of jealousy? Sometimes we simply need to embrace the tragedy of simply being human. You may wish to tell yourself a story about the way you are. But how often do you make confessions about your failings and fallibility?
Truth be told, the most benevolent thing you can do for your friends and those who live with you is to let them see your peculiar cray-cray side. Research shows that in 100 percent of the cases, when someone says, “Oh, no, she didn’t,” she in fact did. But truly you need not lose dignity by admitting and laying bear your darker side.
No one is reasoned and rational all of the time. How often are you egocentric or even narcissistic? I don’t care what you think of me. Unless you think I’m awesome. In which case, you are right. Sheesh.
Which traits of yours do you nourish and grow? Every moment of every day you make that choice. You may fail to recognize the importance of what you say to yourself. What do you repeatedly tell yourself throughout the day?
Orient yourself toward inner strength, please. Supercharge your nervous system. Lift some weights. Listen, I feel really bad for the Mexican Olympian who was disqualified from weightlifting for excessive use of protein. They told him, “No whey, José.” Pump your heart with some cardio. And no, you cannot consider your refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training. Embrace some activities that require a powerful will.
Work on your spiritual alignment. Act on things you truly believe in your daily life. Adjust your attention span and read a book, my friends. Or listen to an audio book. If something holds little value, by all means cut that habit out of your life. Scrolling social media for hours may be tempting or fun. But are you sacrificing time with family and friends?
Know who you look up to. Do they serve your life and reflect the values that you hold deep down? Above all, don’t forget to feed your soul, sweet friends. What is your favorite soul food?
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
