Are you aware at what point in your life you misunderstood your own self? There is a cost for lacking self-knowledge, sweet friends. Speaking of misunderstandings, I always thought that when the waiter asked, “soup or salad?” they were talking about some sort of “supersalad.”

The waiter asked: Would you like soup or salad?” And I’m like: “Yes, that sounds lovely.”

No, you cannot go “back to the future.” Is yesterday taking up too much of today? Nor can you simply go back to fix all those misdeeds and mistakes. I admit that I live in the past, but only because housing was so much cheaper.

But truly, as a child or teen, we are so unsure about our worth and value that we cannot stand up for ourselves properly. We may end up with feelings of inadequacy or even self-hatred. Your needs and wants are formed by your family history, whether you know it or not. And most of us simply do not know it. Of course, it’s been said: Heredity – Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools.

Please take the time to correct some of those distorted and warped images you have of yourself. Are you a weekend worrier? If you truly live by your own values and convictions, you can free yourself from excessive concern and apprehension of what he or she may think about you.

Perhaps you can gently comfort your younger self and show her compassion. Do you put the fun in dysfunctional? Do not stay wedded to your neuroses. Emotional steps that correct mistakes and mental unwellness are never easy. Reconcile your choices and lifestyle, please.

Stop being afraid of appearing wrong or looking stupid in front of him. Staying in your comfort zone may offer you confidence, but if you stay in that bubble, you will limit yourself. As soon as you step out of it, your self-assurance may suddenly disappear. It’s been said: Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.

Take risks, please, and admit when you are wrong. Opportunity lies in the middle of difficulty. Embrace new experiences and expose yourself to new situations. Do not allow insecurity to keep you from chasing new opportunities.

Do not settle for a lifetime of unhappiness or misery. Negativity can arrive in the form of negative people, habits, or attitudes. Motivate yourself by setting some manageable goals and build toward those bigger risks. Build from the ground up, my friends. If you can tell him to believe in himself, capitalize on your own understanding and take your own advice. No need to move the whole mountain. Start by carrying away the small stones.

It’s not easy to always rise to the occasion. You will develop confidence and faith in yourself when you take the high, challenging road. Avoid passing the blame when you make mistakes. It will always hinder your growth. If you don’t address your imperfections and Achilles heel, how can you ever improve? Where are you strong and where are you weak?

Dwelling on the negative ultimately contributes to its power. Does the smallest bit of uncertainty make you lose your tiny mind? Stop imagining catastrophic scenarios. Tolerating uncertainty and controlling self-doubt will make you a much more assured, assertive person. Don’t feel trapped by your own insecurities. Try not to overthink, and do not allow your thoughts to spiral out of control. Why are you doubting yourself?

Be proud of your achievements and express your true feelings to your loved ones. Do you show your genuine self to the world? Do you need drama like you need oxygen? Do not fill your psyche with destructive ideas. They will surely lead to self-defeating behaviors.

Do you cling to ideas that destroy your courage and composure? What behavior is standing in your way? Do you obsess over your faults and failings, assuming you are being judged? Change your mindset, sweet friends. Resist the impulse to assume the worst.

It may be tempting to fall headfirst into a downward spiral of negativity. Know what you want and why. We all need a sense of direction. Remember, what you give power to has power over you.

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.  or at