Do you consider yourself mature? Maturity has little to do with your age, sweet friends. It is about how you think and act.
Do you know what the ingredients of emotional maturity even are? Start by making your greatest devotion to reach a heightened understanding of your own mind. Believe it or not, your mind may not always be your best ally. You may desire to learn things about yourself, but another part of your mind does not wish to at all.
Our proclivity to denial should gently humble us, sweet friends. We can all realize with a dose of humor that we are all at times sillies. Shed your arrogance and pride, and observe how often you misunderstand or misinterpret things.
How does your body affect your mind? You don’t know, you say? How do you act when you skipped breakfast, your morning coffee, or only got four hours of sleep the night before? Espresso may not be the answer, but it’s worth a shot. Hocus pocus, you need coffee to focus? Does your inner cookie monster want to break loose? Then again, they say: Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it’s time to get up.
In addition, if you acknowledge that she can be just as easily hurt, you may be a tad more polite or gracious. Communicate calmly to him what is at play within you when you get upset or angry. He may not understand certain things about you if you never bothered to teach him. Sadly, it is impossible to be liked and approved of by everyone in the universe. Do not spend your entire life trying to please everyone.
We all long for warmth and reassurance. Try to understand how your childhood affected you and what events shaped you. Do you observe patterns in your life? Feeling something is no reason to act on it. We must learn to soothe our own wounds.
We humans all suffer pain, and we are not the only ones feeling persecuted at times. Things are often devastating and dreadful. But we need not be bitter. Stop agonizing over your wrong turns. Indeed, you may have chosen the wrong career path or invested in useless things. Choose a major you’re passionate about and you’ll never work a day in your life. Because that field probably isn’t hiring. But truly, you may have even embraced the wrong friendship group.
No doubt you made mistakes raising your children. You know what they say: You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid just like you. But truthfully, you may have neglected your health in some ways. We do not get a practice run for this life, sweet friends. I know of no manual of how to live a perfect life. Do you? Oh, but she seems so “together.” Trust me, she is making it up as she goes along, just like the rest of us.
Perhaps you have been through enough seasons to know that eventually things do pass. Even profound losses fade a bit over time. You must, above all, take responsibility for your words and actions. Take accountability for the consequences as well. How often can you see things from his perspective? Do you really put yourself in her shoes? You know chocolate is good, but shoes are carb-free.
But seriously, it’s crucial to show your vulnerability or even ask for help when you need it. Difficult times will ease if you get the support you crave. You may even be able to express gratitude while reflecting on a really painful situation you find yourself in. Despite your challenging circumstances, being able to feel gratefulness is a sign of maturity and humility.
Go ahead and form your own opinions, but please show others respect for differing views and perspectives. And by all means, always pause and think before you react to anyone or a given situation. You can be 40 years old on the outside but four when it comes to your manner of communicating or acting on your impulses. Speaking of which, save your voice for calling for your kids. Just open a bag of chips and they will materialize out of nowhere.
How do you respond when you are disappointed in someone? Are you too internally fragile to let your friend know how you truly feel? No one can magically repair a relationship, sweet friends. Perhaps you become disproportionately angry at her. It may take a great deal of bravery to admit to him that you actually care.
If someone aggravated or upset you, please learn how to simply explain why you got irritated. Find the words to make yourself understood. Do not hit back at your loved ones with undue force. Make peace with the idea that if you love someone, you open yourself up to being hurt at times.
Perhaps you were not raised in the land of emotional maturity, but know this: You have the capacity to learn how to speak in an emotionally mature dialect. Remember, it’s been said: The first sign of maturity is not reacting to others’ immaturity.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
