Do you find that happiness never seems to last for very long in your life? As soon as you develop self-confidence or joyfully anticipate the future, something unfavorable seems to happen in a short span of time.
Knowing my luck, I’d be reincarnated as me again. But seriously, what was it that collapsed your spirit? Could it be something you yourself are doing? Perhaps you begin to torment yourself about something completely out of your control. Or you just feel uneasy and don’t even know why.
Did you just catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and were horrified? And yes, objects in the mirror are as tired as they appear. But truly, doubt and worry can become familiar friends. Fear, anxiety, and disappointment will not allow you to live life to the fullest. Do you have permission to be happy? Did you grow up in an environment where your happiness was viewed as provocative or “too much”?
A low mood may be associated with safety. You may be wiping the smile off of your own face. There should be no conflict between your joy and someone else’s sense of well-being. Do not apologize for being in good spirits, sweet friends.
Speaking of sabotage, they say: If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. But truly, it is high time to learn the origin of how you feel and behave. Become aware of your emotional weaknesses. Yes, you do have some. Do you have trust issues? It may be that you have difficulty staying calm. It is quite possible that you are too prideful or even arrogant at times.
You may even know some of your limitations and be embarrassed by them. Yet it is okay to take pride in your achievements. Know this: What in later life became a problem for you started out as a protective strategy.
It may have made sense in childhood, but you need not hold onto it any longer. There is no reason to fail in order to avoid her jealousy. Dare to feel and love. Do not remain loyal to your past protective strategy, as it truly applies no longer.
I am my own worst enemy. But we have a great working relationship. No, no. Please do not deliberately ruin your own happiness. You may have sabotaged the interview for your dream job or pushed away your true “one and only” on the first date. If you have become your own barrier, it’s time to own that.
Are you afraid that once you receive what you want so badly, you may not be able to manage it? You may feel as though you are protecting yourself by eliminating all possibility of disappointment. And please do not lose your sense of humor, sweet friends. If life doesn’t break you today, don’t worry. It will try again tomorrow.
Observe if you fulfill negative beliefs about yourself. What is on repeat right now in your mental playlist?
It’s been said: “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” Your actions should align with your values. But if you have negative thoughts about yourself or others, you may feel like a failure and go about proving that to yourself. An exaggerated need for control is driven by fear of failure. Are you tripping over self-made roadblocks?
Your brain is wired to hold onto what is familiar. Be aware so you do not fall back on old routines, despite their being ineffective. Know where you are going. It’s been said: If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
You may fear experiencing the same pain from your past in the present. Do make an effort to break the cycle of self-sabotage, sweet friends.
As the saying goes: The world’s not really against you. The only thing that’s against you is yourself.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
