How well do you actually look after yourself? Do you show yourself patience, consideration, and kindness? Perhaps you spend a great deal of time speaking critically to yourself. Sometimes it seems infinitely easier to take care of someone else than to direct sympathy and goodness to yourself.
If you remember that there still is a small child living inside of you, perhaps you can think about looking after him or her. The child inside of you is far more delicate and vulnerable than you appear.
Believe it or not, he is there with you even at your work meeting. She was there at your brunch with so-called friends last week. You may think that you view life through the eyes of an adult. But to the child inside of you, many things are way more threatening or even draining.
Imagine a little one having to deal with a room full of strangers at the latest gathering or sitting attentively at a very long work meeting. Sure, the adult part of you wears that brave mask daily when you face the world. You may not even be aware of your inner child, let alone acknowledge him or her.
You may need to take some time to comfort yourself on occasion. Please don’t come up with a problem for every solution. With your own children or those in your family, you seem to know where their threats may lie, and you instinctively care for them.
I’ve heard it said: Sometimes I want to drop my kids off in 1987, just to see if they would make it to 1993. But truly, you know if they haven’t eaten enough or stayed up way past bedtime the night before. They will surely be cranky, and your heart may even go out to them.
It’s been said: Misery may love company, but so does joy. And joy throws much better parties. It’s time to treat yourself, sweet friends, with the same tenderness and warmheartedness. Indeed, we also get scared and confused at times. Perhaps even grumpy or irritable if you haven’t eaten or slept much as well. Do allow yourself to notice your feelings.
Remember to pause and ask yourself: How would a little child cope with the situation I am in? How might she feel at the party with all those new people? How might he feel losing the baseball tournament? Then again, you know when your kid hits a home run and you’re in line at the restroom? Sheesh. And of course: Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
But seriously, be compassionate to the fragile part of you. Recall the little person you once were not so long ago. You were once profoundly helpless and at the mercy of your parents and loved ones. You had no way of making sense of your feelings, let alone communicating them to others. Then again, you know what they say: If you’re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5-year-old to guess your age. That should even things out.
But honestly, what do you do now when you feel lonely, sad, or profoundly misunderstood? Okay, you don’t have to seize the day; just poke it with a stick. Do you reach out to that warm, familiar face who smiles and welcomes you just as you are? Perhaps your best friend can help you send your demons packing.
Soothing and comforting someone is one of the most tender gestures you can perform for those you love. You can literally strengthen his desire to endure his hardships and go on living. But do not forget to put yourself at ease as well. What have you done for yourself lately? Was it calming?
When you panic, do reassure yourself that you will, in fact, make it. During moments of crisis, access that soft voice inside of yourself that calms the waves of fear or self-hatred. Remind yourself that you are valuable and deserve the best in this life.
Indeed, disapproval feels disastrous, and rejection can almost feel fatal. Days and nights can be rocked by anxiety and apprehension. So please ask for soothing when you need it, sweet friends. Being defensively independent is not strength. You deserve to be the beneficiary of gentleness and reassurance. Remember, you only have to handle this one single moment.
Oh, and by the way, don’t forget to include yourself in the list of things you need to take care of today.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Woodmere. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and on weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
