Would you agree that there is something that transcends your mind and is connected to your spirit? Indeed, we sense some kind of energy that we often call our soul or essence. Could it be our “higher self” or our true nature that we constantly seek? Certainly there are some scientists and dissectors of the mind who will deny anything they cannot visibly see. And where does this “anima” emanate from – our brains or our hearts? It is all so illusive and intangible. Does it reside in our psyche or is it in the seat of our affections? Sounds kind of psycho-spiritual, eh?

I know. Some of us put the “fun” back in dysfunction. But at times we truly can feel lost or empty. Our job is so-so. And don’t you just hate losing things at work, like papers, pens, or your dreams and sanity. You say your friends are not as supportive as you wish, and life just seems “meh.” The truth is that we are all seeking some deeper meaning, significance, and substance. Does your life make sense to you? Unfortunately, we humans sometimes create our own pathology by our lifestyle choices.

Have you ever taken the time to study your inner mental life or to ponder your soul? Do you meditate, perhaps? You know what they say: “There’s no place like “Om.” Into crystals? May the quartz be with you. Or maybe you just believe in the Caffeine Fairy. Lol, I see you rolling that third eye.

But, sadly, we abandon our true selves in the quest for approval from parents, teachers, bosses, and friends. Yes, approval-seeking is hardwired into us. Drug dealers know the trick. Give you a bit of what you crave, then take it away from you. People can manipulate you the same way by giving their approval, and then withholding it. You can now become an approval addict. It’s a very painful way to live. Truth is you wouldn’t worry so much what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.

As much as we all yearn to be loved, learn to live for an audience of one, sweet friend. You know how some people love it when people tell them how much they love them. I love it when my microwave tells me my food is ready. Lol. But seriously, please don’t waste your energy pretending to like people who are pretending to like you. You would be surprised at how many are actually intimidated by you – yes you. Do discover the deepest and most authentic part of yourself. The question at the heart of all humanity remains the same: What is the meaning of your life?

Your parents and teachers set a path for you long ago. Does it resonate with your soul? Some lose complete connection with their essence due to familial or childhood trauma. Among all the toys in the world, people choose “feelings” to play with. That precious part of you becomes fortressed behind a wall of anger, hatred, pain, defenses, and even rage. You all know someone who simply cannot answer a question without sarcasm. We need to return to our true nature, to “return home.” Our ego only wishes to manipulate and control because it is full of fear. My advice: Skip the “E” and let it “go.”

The mystery is that you innately carry the wisdom within you already. You need only to find a way to unleash it. You must find a way to connect to that deep voice within you. Your heart’s longings may make themselves known to you through prayer, acts of love, or even music or dance.

Sure, we all diet at times. And don’t you wish there was a way to donate fat like you donate blood? But most of us suffer from spiritual undernourishment without even knowing it. We live on autopilot, acting quite impulsively – not even putting much thought into what we do or why. Most of us try to simply ignore the pain from things or people who hurt us in the past. You can try to escape it as much as you want, but it is following you to this very day.

Wounds do not disappear without treatment, even if they are emotional ones. And we all know what open wounds do: Ouch. Being strong does not mean grinning and bearing it. It is actually more about reflecting on our past honestly, trying to solve what we can, and healing from our traumas.

You can take all the energy that comes with negative emotion and use it to transform yourself. Try asking: What is this pain trying to teach me? And just remember, sweet friends: A hefty dose of cosmic humor, especially about yourself, is part of your journey. After all, we’re all winging it. That’s what angels do.

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.  or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.