If you feel like you give up way to easily, go easy on yourself. The fact is that we humans are guided by what is known as the “pleasure principle.” We want instant gratification instantly. Then again, instant gratification is not soon enough. We don’t care to be part of the process. We simply wish to be part of the outcome. The truth is that when you delay that instantaneous and prompt pleasure, you can then experience long-term satisfaction.

Immaturity is actually the inability to delay that indulgence. Someone told me I’m immature and need to grow up.  Guess who’s not allowed in my treehouse now. But truly, you may be giving up what you want most for what you want “now.” The truth is that oftentimes short-term pain leads to long-term gain. Ever work out? Your idea of exercise is a good brisk sit? You know life has its ups and downs. They’re called “squats.” By the way, if you’re using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? Into yoga? So what did the yogi tell the door-to-door salesman who came to his home, selling vacuum cleaners? “Too many attachments.”

But seriously, in time, the pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow. Sometimes wanting to just give up is normal, sweet friends. Who doesn’t love failure? It’s so easy to achieve. Still feeling anxious? It’s been said: “It’s okay to have butterflies in your stomach; just get them to fly in formation.”

What’s that? You give up? Let us take a look at the fall-out and end-result of that decision, please. We know of hundreds of accomplished and acknowledged people who have chronicled the many failures along their journey.

You had a goal but lost motivation? Think about the reason you had it to begin with. What are the arguments for quitting? You need to quit quitting. Visualize the end-result and just keep moving forward. Life will knock you down at some point. What’s your plan for getting back up?

Please find someone to talk to. Do not insulate or isolate yourself or shy away from seeking support.  If you want to roll with the punches of life, you need a strong, steeled, and sturdy mindset. Move some things around in that ole mind of yours and shift focus to whatever you are grateful for. Remember that every situation in life depends on the attitude with which you view and interpret it.

When you do talk, make sure your mouth is not more open than your mind. Sometimes it’s just as important to be fluent in silence. Please listen calmly and intentionally to him. Two monologues do not make a dialogue. She doesn’t care how much you know. She cares about how much you care. You know what they say: The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. Choose carefully, sweet friends.

Please do what you can to pull yourself out of that emotional hole. Many still feel shut off from the world and suspect that they cannot handle the loneliness any longer. Others feel that they have been forced to confront their impermanence and mortality. Fear of disease and death is magnified a thousand-fold by the media. Do not allow them to beat you over the head by persistent and perpetual fear-peddling.

The series of losses we have all had to endure have taken their collective toll, my friends. You are the artist of your own life. Why are you handing the paintbrush to someone else? Remember that humor is your best friend. They say it’s like a rubber sword. You can make your point without drawing any blood. Continue to emotionally engage with people. A friend or loved one may be just one call away. You are strong in your own unique way. Make a mental decision to fight through life’s everyday challenges. Go ahead and hang that inspirational poster on your wall. You know those profound sayings on the Internet like: “If at first you don’t succeed, try a bottle opener. It’s probably not a twist top.”

Oh, and by the way, hello fall.  And thanks for the reminder that change can be beautiful. Go ahead and channel your flannel. You’re never too old to jump into a pile of leaves.

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.  or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.