Do you ever feel as though you undermine your own agenda? You made some irrational choices and perhaps even experienced physical symptoms throughout the day. You ordered four more things from Amazon that you clearly do not need. I know. At this point you feel like they should save a seat for you at the dinner for your Amazon delivery guy. You missed the gym for two years in a row now and you simply aren’t getting where you wish to be in life. Speaking of which, people who think a minute goes fast have clearly never done a plank.

But truly, this is known as self-sabotage, sweet friends. But why on earth would we ruin and ravage our own plans in life? We tend to repress the unlikable, unwanted parts of ourselves. However, this can have devastating consequences. Our dark side may take on a life of its own.

The suppressed parts of you may undermine your best efforts. Instead of being at war with yourself, you must learn to integrate and incorporate those parts into your personality. Are you aware of all your negative impulses? In order to face those parts, we must learn to shine the light on them first.

If you gently bring them into the light of day, they will not have the power to cause havoc in your life. You may have repressed rage, or even grief, due to trauma. These feelings are like mini-people living inside of you and wish to have a voice, as well.

What if their agenda clashes with the other parts of yourself? You need to finish a project but another part of you procrastinates and thwarts your success. If good things come to those who wait, isn’t procrastination a virtue? Hmm. You’re not a procrastinator. You just wait till the last second to do your work because you will be older and therefore wiser.

But seriously, what part of you determines what you want or need? It may feel as though an unwanted guest lives inside of us at times and interferes with our healthy desires. Who is pulling the strings of your puppet, my friends? We have all fallen victim to our dark side. We wish to take revenge; we refuse to forgive others. Yet we all desire human connection so deeply.

The repressed part of us damages our ability to have our healthy needs met. If our needs go unmet, we will make ill-advised choices and decisions. We can observe ourselves in order to become more honest about all of our wants and wishes. Then we can integrate our dark side into our conscious awareness and make efforts to meet those needs and drives in a healthy way.

It’s been said that the meaning of life is to give life meaning. Disappointment in life does not justify destructive behavior, sweet friends. Life may have betrayed you. You may feel slapped in the face with harsh reality at times. Despite hard knocks or tough luck, do not develop a dreary or disheartening outlook.

Check your expectations. Did you dream of becoming a social media influencer one day? Do you feel as though you have “settled” if you simply live a “normal” life? Society’s emphasis on individualism has made many feel completely lost. Do you feel a sense of belonging?

Life does not always give us what we feel entitled to. We must remind ourselves that if our expectations exceed what we get, we will be profoundly disappointed. We must therefore adjust our expectations. Be aware of the suffering of others and try to alleviate it if you can.

Push through your troubles and tough breaks and look beyond them. Stop subjecting yourself to unrealistic standards, please. Do not try to imitate what you see as others’ lifestyle ideal. Listen, money alone does not make you happy. It must already belong to you. Hold on, I’m having an out-of-money experience. But truly, no need to flood social media to showcase the “magnificence” of your life. No matter how big your house is, how new your car is, or how big your bank account is, our graves will always be the same size. So, no need to brag. It ain’t the whistle that moves the train. Then again, my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Are you chasing an impossible dream that you can never attain? Seeking perfection is a fool’s errand. Bodies eventually fall prey to old age and decay. The more wealth you accumulate, the more difficult it is to protect it. Do not burden your life with the theme of “Never enough.”

We resonate with the natural state of the world, which is perfect imperfection. We cannot banish pain from our lives. Resistance to the dark side of life and an insistence as to how things “should” be will invariably leads to dissatisfaction and discomfort.

Experience things as they are, not as they “should” be. Do not view yourself or others through the ruthless lens of perfectionism. Do your best and slow down, please. Live a perfectly imperfect life, sweet friends.

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at