When your baby needs something, you may go right on ahead and guess. Typically, mothers will get it right. Need to wake up your baby? Quietly go into your room and rest your head on your pillow. That’ll do it. And why don’t kids understand that their nap is not for them, it’s for us? But truly, do not allow that reality to set expectations for the rest of your life. Do you believe that anyone who cares about you should be able to determine your deepest needs? You are not alone, sweet friends.
There is a widespread tendency to assume that others can simply read our minds. Hey, if people could read minds and two people were reading each other’s minds, wouldn’t they be reading their own minds? Hmmm. Without stating your wishes clearly, he should simply know what you want. My friend should automatically know what I am upset about. He should intuitively know exactly how you prefer things done around the house. Or should he?
You refuse to reveal your true desires, but you feel justified in punishing her for not knowing. Perhaps you do not grasp how crucial it is to actually teach your loved ones and give specific lessons on who you are. Yes, a crash course in yourself is in order.
Teach him what you dream about. Share with her what you are scared of. Let them know what you want your life to look like. You may become resentful or even revengeful when he does not meet a need he had no idea you even had. Men say that women should come with instructions. What’s the point of that? Have you ever seen a man actually read the instructions? But sincerely, please share the instruction manual on how you wish to be treated.
Your brain performs a miraculous set of maneuvers every moment of each day. Listen, your brain is the most important organ you have, according to the brain. Does your mind know how to edit? Well, you know what we say to our editors: I hope to create something someday worth plagiarizing. Can you keep criticism and negative thoughts at bay? Do you pay attention to inner voices that speak to you harshly?
You must resist the pull to entertain thoughts that serve no healthy purpose. Is it telling you that you are unworthy of joy or happiness? That will clearly torture you with punitive judgments.
Talk to yourself the way you talk to your best friend. Do not allow yourself to be reduced to a state of inadequacy by comparing yourself to others’ achievements or accomplishments.
So, he seems more successful. Perhaps his upbringing was dramatically different from yours. How does continually comparing yourself to her aid you on your journey in life?
Needless to say, there are unlimited things you can worry about, sweet friends. A well-functioning mind can easily identify the heartlessness of incessantly finding faults with ourselves. A healthy psyche will not fret endlessly about things that may happen as opposed to things that are likely to happen.
Please do not indulge catastrophic mental pictures in your mind. Learn to compartmentalize things. Place things in drawers of your mind and learn to shut some of the doors tightly. Do not allow negative thoughts to become a repetitive fixation. Censor and learn to quiet down those preoccupations that stubbornly return.
Remember that not everything that can be felt should be indulged. No need to extrapolate your life’s worst experiences in order to lose faith in all of humanity, sweet friends. What can you look forward to? A hot, steaming shower after a long day’s work? A visit with your best friend or that last piece of chocolate cake? You know what they say: Chocolate cake has eggs in it – which is a perfectly good breakfast.
Bear in mind who you are spending time with. Does she make you a better person? Does he help you toward where you want to go, or away from where you wish to go?
One of the most important questions you can ask: Is this in my control? Focus on whether you are throwing good energy after bad by trying to change things you cannot. Plan your ideal day to plan your ideal life. Do your actions bring you closer to what you truly want out of life?
Let go of pointless obligations, please. Instead of focusing on “doing,” concentrate on and contemplate “being.” How do you measure your life? Know what motivates you, my friends. Are your accomplishments simply to gain attention? Remind yourself that ego does not matter in the end.
At any given moment, you have a job to do. Are you doing it now? Above all, always find reasons to keep going. Look for evidence in the world around you for what is truly beautiful and for people who remain kind.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
