The corner of Second Avenue and East 42nd Street has been fortified with barricades and a police booth for as long as many New Yorkers remember. The security measures at the Israeli Consulate in New York are permanent as protests here have occurred in war and peace, regardless of pretext. Likewise, the Israeli Embassy in Washington has been the setting of countless protests over the decades, but this past Sunday’s action by one man changed the conversation.
Aaron Bushnell, 25, an Air Force member from Texas, calmly walked to the Embassy’s driveway, videotaped himself expressing support for Palestine, and then poured gasoline on himself.
“I will no longer be complicit in genocide,” he said in his video. “I am about to engage in an extreme act of protest. But compared to what people have been experiencing in Palestine at the hands of their colonizers, it’s not extreme at all. This is what our ruling class has decided will be normal.”
The security officers requested the protester to get on the ground, but he stood straight as they rushed to get an extinguisher. At that moment, it was clear that Bushnell wanted to do more than make an “extreme” protest. Had he rolled onto the ground, he likely would have survived, with his protest act shared on social media. Instead, it was a livestreaming of a suicide expressed as a protest.
In a compassionate society, opinion influencers would comment about mental health and the effects of social media, offering resources on counseling and suicide prevention. But when Israel is involved, then all norms are set aside to justify the ends. How else can one explain self-described rape survivors rationalizing the October 7 attack by Hamas against defenseless civilians?
Within hours of Bushnell’s death, the New York City chapter of the Democratic Socialists of America tweeted “rest in power, Aaron Bushnell. Free Palestine.” The culture of martyrdom that defines Hamas has become mainstream among secular leftists. The value of a human life is worth only as much as the message that it carries.
In every war, there is a home front in which families offer support to the soldiers and rescue workers on the battlefield, advocate for the captives, and participate in solidarity missions. At the same time, they take care of children, make ends meet, and contribute to their communities.
The stress of war has not diminished the Orthodox living costs, calling up dozens of pharmacies for a medicine that the child needs, which is apparently “on back order” with an inflated copay if it is covered at all by insurance. Our youth is experienced again through our children as we arrange playdates, mediate in disputes with other children over seemingly trivial slights, agonize with them over exams, homework, projects, contests, and tournaments – as we cook dinner to a very picky consumer and then do the laundry. Many of us did not have smartphones and social media, which contribute to a child’s sense of superiority and inferiority, and keeping up with classmates who have the latest gadgets.
You can multiply the above scenarios for each child, depending on how many there are in the family. In addition, if one is fortunate to have living parents and in-laws, as they advance in age, working parents become caregivers to two generations, which makes the question of which parents are hosting on chagim insignificant in comparison.
On top of the pyramid of concerns in shalom bayis is the relationship between the two soulmates, who stood under the chuppah in harmony with each other but are now weighed down by the daily life experience. Some of us are fortunate to still have that feeling that we experienced under the chupah, at the first shalom zachar or baby-naming, and the pre-school graduation. Alongside our spouses, if we need a second voice in whom to confide, perhaps a parent, best friend, chavrusa, rebbi, or a therapist can offer an ear and a conversation about life’s challenges.
I write this reminder because, while the suicide in national news appeared as a political act, it does not always involve a note, warning signs, or news coverage. Last week, a 31-year-old Orthodox mother of six in Queens took her own life. Her neighbors on 108th Street were inconsolable in grief. Earlier this week, Congregation Beth-El of Fresh Meadows hosted a mental health workshop for men and women, co-sponsored by Shalom Task Force, in which therapists spoke and then met individually with participants to discuss their concerns. Such events should happen more often – as a communal check-in between the public and professionals in social and mental health services.
How can we check in when we have so much to do within our own homes?
In my experience, parents who share information have an easier time serving their children’s needs and their own. When we seek guests for our Shabbos meals, are we more concerned about our own comfort than accommodating the guest? Have empathy for the divorcee at the table as she speaks about her legal problems and custody battles. Befriend the parent of a special needs son who speaks about managing his behavior at the public school and giving him as much of a Jewish education as he can handle. Listen to the seemingly put-together guest who unexpectedly reveals all the challenges that she faces at work, home, and school.
You may not relate to a guest from a different background who speaks of conversion, t’shuvah, loss of a loved one, and other life-changing circumstances, but such persons appreciate being hosted and sharing their experiences. It is much easier to have a guest whose daily experience matches yours: same shul, school, hashkafah, interests. For your next Shabbos, consider the guest who does not fit into these criteria.
In doing so, you may be helping in ways that you cannot imagine. You may be saving a life.
By Sergey Kadinsky
