Be honest: Would you rather reform others than reform yourself? Hopefully you’re too busy working on your own grass to notice if his is greener.
If you look around, you may observe that people have become increasingly hostile, even violent toward one another. Our society is clearly going through a period of degeneracy and depravity. Even in the midst of this, how you treat your body and mind is purely your choice, sweet friends.
Despite witnessing the erosion of values around you, please remain open-minded, honest, and kind. Try to live in accordance with nature. What is your relationship with the environment? I know. You’d like to connect with nature but there’s no USB port. You know what they say: Hug a tree; they have fewer issues than people.
If you have ever built a sandcastle and expected it to last, you may understand what trying to control your fate is like. Can you ever regulate the tide?
Of course, you may be disappointed when fate provides you with an unwished for outcome. We may challenge the universe when bad things befall us; but we will always lose. Our primary focus should always be on controlling our reaction to life, rather than trying to change the unchangeable. Do you expend a great deal of energy fighting battles that you cannot win?
Do not destroy your self-respect for any reason. If you are not trustworthy, of what use are you to your loved ones?
Of course we need to set limits in our lives. We cannot eat, drink, or sleep excessively. You say you’re a light eater. As soon as it’s light, you start eating. Uh-oh. Then again: Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section. It’s been said: Fortunately, some people eat a lot or drink only on special occasions. Unfortunately, they see every, or almost every day of their lives as a special occasion.
But sincerely, you may spend copious amounts of time staring at screens these days. Trust me. Your kid won’t remember his best day of screen time. I know. You don’t care how busy you get; you will always make time to scroll on Instagram for three hours.
What tasks are you ignoring? People guided by temptations become enslaved and seek to satisfy desires above all. Do not stuff your mind with useless entertainment. Your sense of fulfillment depends on satiating your soul. The pursuit of wealth, status, or pleasure is a bottomless pit. Do not chase for more and more. Cultivate the virtue of moderation.
We all need human connectedness. Social deprivation is highly destructive. Can you function without daily social interaction? There are some who can go weeks without even seeing another human being. The truth is that those of us with many social connections tend to be happier. One way or another, we all yearn for closeness.
Sorry, but online social networks are not the answer for the most part. This portal to the world may be a blessing for some, but it does not guarantee that you won’t still feel inordinately lonely. Ask yourself: What is the quality of the interaction?
Having a large group of friends may have the opposite effect. Being with people who make you feel alone can make you grapple with even more loneliness. What is lacking within? We are saddled with ideas about how life ought to be. We tell ourselves that we “should” have a certain number of friends to be considered “normal.”
We observe all these so-called happy couples getting together. Do you feel compelled to conform to social norms? How should your social life be? Look at those friends who always have smiles on their faces. You may have some unsatisfying relationships and feel isolated even if your social needs are vastly different from theirs.
You tell yourself that it is “not okay” to be home alone on a Saturday night. Where did those ingrained beliefs originate? You know what they say: “Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.” You are not incomplete, and you can enjoy yourself despite it all. Make way for a different attitude, please.
Of course we have unpleasant feelings at times. You know when you finally get a text message and it’s from the phone company telling you that you used up all of your data. Sheesh. But we need not feel lost when we are alone. Do not shut the door to the experience of simply spending some time on your own. Have you ever communed with yourself? Are you at peace?
Sure, your friends may provide you at times with the joy of companionship or feeling understood. But we must learn to appreciate ourselves and our own presence. Being alone is not good or bad. How you position yourself toward loneliness will determine how you feel.
Is your relationship with yourself positive? Are you too needy of others’ attention or approval? If the type of friend you desire is not available at the moment, do not allow your happiness to rely on this.
Moments of communion will come and go, but do not suffer over friendship when it is not available to you. Try not to feel a state of lack. Find contentment in solitude. It may surprise you to discover how non-lonely being alone can be.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
