What is love, my friends? There are a myriad of ideas that enjoy powerful cultural endorsement, but are they true? Is love an exciting feeling when you are around him? Is love simply having common interests and shared values with her? I know. You want him to look at you the same way you look at chocolate cake. I get it.
I contend that while it’s crucial to appreciate her strengths, true love will display compassion and tenderness toward her weaknesses and vulnerability. Your loved one may even take the internal step of trying to walk in your shoes for a bit.
Let’s be honest. We humans are visited by similar hopes and hungers. We are troubled by the same defeats and downfalls. Are you able to see the scared and shaky self beneath all of his bravado?
When you truly love, then her pain is your pain, too. Sure, it’s easy to adore her because, well, she is so beautiful. That toddler is so darling when he is well behaved. I don’t know why people say that having a dog prepares for having a kid, because my dog has never wanted to watch Frozen 47 days in a row. But truly, what cries out for attention is how to still care for him when, at the moment, he has not made it easy at all.
Do not relive bad memories, please. Are you considering all the things that can go wrong in life and love? Focus on those who uplift and encourage you. We can’t be liked by everyone, much as we would love to. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did my back hurt your knife?” “I know you’re gonna go far. I just hope you stay there.” Uh-oh. Please do not get wound up in the opinions of haters.
Seeking approval can cripple you. Do you constantly worry about what your neighbors or competitors are doing? Then again, you know what they say: “It is easier to love humanity as a whole than to love one’s neighbor.” Give your own goals your undivided attention. What is your opinion of yourself?
We all wish to be part of a community or tribe. Surround yourself with people who are right for you. Do you fear being out of control? You cannot micromanage everything, sweet friends. Reach for that higher standard, but do not fear doing something wrong. Making mistakes is inevitable. Do not fret. Grab opportunities and reflect on what you have learned from previous mistakes.
Worrying can feel pretty unbearable at times. Try to assuage that blizzard of foreboding by not fixating on what may occur in the future. The future has boundless possibilities for fearfulness and fright. You may dread certain things because they happened to you when you were small, and at the hands of well-meaning parents or friends. Someone may have hurt you deeply when you were at a vulnerable point in life.
Have you processed that, my friends, or did you simply bury it deep inside of you? Imagine one who has died but has not been adequately mourned or even buried yet. Those unclaimed, dark feelings can continue to haunt you your entire life.
We can still adapt and improve how we respond to events and even crises. You can seek help. Faced with concerns, we may go silent, or feel helpless. We can lose all perspective or get easily angered. In response to world events, do not allow yourself to feel powerless, please.
You cannot remove risk or pain from the world. But you need not live in terror. You may be rightfully worried, but do not permit yourself to become too fragile.
Are you hunched over a newspaper or phone right now? Have you noticed how people are excited about the new iPhone, but no one has caught up with the awesome technology of using your blinker when you drive? But sincerely, I can’t tell you enough how important it is to stand and sit upright like you mean it. It will reduce fatigue and give you a more positive outlook.
And remember, sweet friends, there is nothing quite like that blue sky above your head or the warmth of the beautiful sun on your face. A simple walk outdoors will boost your well-being. Sometimes you just need a hug. The hormone oxytocin will be released, and the stress hormone cortisol level will decrease. It is literally known as the “love hormone.”
Despite the chaos in the world, trust the next chapter because you know the Author. Above all, pace yourself. Your future self will be grateful for it.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
