We have all been exposed to a catastrophic, cataclysmic event. Some of us are just wandering in the world knowing that it has become a frightening, fearful place. We may not even have a clue as to what we should do or what, if anything, can help.
Nothing feels safe anymore, and it is not entirely irrational to have an apprehension that something awful may happen at any moment. You may feel as though you are in a state of hyper vigilance. We are in the grip of madness in the world, so we cannot truly relax. Our muscles are tense as we seek daily updates of the horror.
You may find yourself losing your temper more often these days, not being able to get a good night’s sleep, or simply feeling out of sorts. Speaking of sleep, I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. It’s been said: Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock, and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep. But seriously, knowing how many people feel hostile toward you, you may feel utterly defenseless.
You might dream of going to live under a rock somewhere, as casual socializing these days may feel utterly exhausting. Then again, it’s been said: One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.
But sincerely, you might even try to ward off the external chaos by becoming extremely rigid about your daily routine. You may clean your house compulsively or get thrown by any spontaneous change of plans. Want your house to look clean? Just take off your glasses. The secret to keeping a clean kitchen is simple: Don’t ever cook.
But truly, you might throw yourself into your work, which may feel temporarily like an escape from the desolation and despair. The truth is that some events simply cannot be properly digested. A kind, stable environment will go a long way in helping you remain calm and hopeful.
The media and world-at-large will not assure you of your worth, sweet friends. You will be judged with intolerable bitterness and even brutality. Please allow yourself to feel compassion for yourself and what you are going through. Others may hate beyond measure, but you, my friends, can learn to love even more deeply.
Sadly, this traumatic event may unfold over months or even years. Viewing repeated harrowing and heartbreaking events can cause addiction, avoidance, anxiety, and depression. Do you feel safe these days? Do you feel constant fear observing a war-torn country where the basic feeling of safety has been utterly shattered? You can even experience relationship issues as your anger or intense anxiety can make it difficult to control emotions.
Indeed, this horrifying incident has no doubt ingrained a deep emotional scar. It may even render you feeling hopeless. You can feel as if your emotional well-being is threatened and you have lost your ability to be positive or even to cope. The outright, poisonous lies of the media create psychological damage with their cumulative influence.
Hopefully, your home feels like a safe, secure place, my friends. Many people on the planet live perennially in tumultuous, unstable environments. We all must learn how to handle suffering when it does arise, because, sadly, it will.
Please do not allow the anger or anxiety to control your life. Do you relive disturbing incidents or events you’ve seen and heard about? Please talk about your feelings. Avoidance is not a good coping mechanism. Some feelings are unwanted and even uncomfortable, but we need to come to terms with our traumas in order to move on.
Do you feel isolated from many around you? While it’s true that many will not understand you, it is likely that there are people out there who will. If your friend is willing to listen, do not fear how he or she will react. Please share with loved ones whom you trust.
Do not develop a more pessimistic outlook, always expecting the worst outcome. Heck, I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B negative. I got called “pretty” today. Well, actually the full statement was: “You’re pretty annoying.” But I only focus on positive things.
But seriously, we will never be the people we were before we experienced this devastating tragedy. But that does not mean that we cannot heal. It’s okay to have setbacks, but do not put unattainable expectations on yourself. Accept all the love you get, sweet friends. Trust me, we will be whole again.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
