I interrupted my usual schedule of articles for the Molly and Bluey articles. I’m getting back on track now. This email was sent to me weeks ago, before Thanksgiving. My wish was to have it published right before Thanksgiving, but that didn’t happen. This email may seem a little late, but it’s really on time, b’shaah tovah.
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Dear Goldy:
I’m 50 and just got married a few months ago. I dated and dated and dated. It was like being on a hamster wheel. Just as I gave up hope and when I never expected it, my husband was introduced to me. We dated for a few months, but I think I knew he was “the one” after our third date. It took a little longer for him to know I was the one, but I’ll give him a learning curve for that. As people say, “I’m living my best life ever.” I really am. I didn’t give up hope that I’d ever marry, I just stopped thinking about it. I figured that if it was going to happen, it would happen. But I never saw myself under the chupah, if I’m being completely honest.
It will sound corny, but it’s like I’m seeing my life through new eyes. No, I don’t think that being married for a couple of months has given me insight and wisdom that I didn’t have. I just feel so thankful for everything that I have in my life that has led me to this moment of me sending you this email. I was thankful before I was married, but it feels like more now. It’s hard to explain.
I’m thankful for my husband not giving out hope on getting married, because if he did, we’d never have met.
I’m thankful that I never let those with pity in their eyes for me at other chasunos get to me. It would’ve driven me into a depression.
I’m thankful for my family for never nudging me to date someone just because “he became available,” and they respected me enough not to push me when I said “no.” I’m thankful for the group of friends that I have. Only two of us got married in our mid-20s. The rest of us went slower: 30s, 40s. But we were always happy for each other and always were there to lift one another up if needed.
I’m thankful for my married friends who would redt a shidduch.
I’m thankful for the friends who were smart enough not to set me up with someone if they felt it wasn’t shayach for me because a bad date was worse than no date and they understood that.
I’m thankful that I listened to the advice someone gave me years ago to freeze my eggs. I thought that the person who spoke with me about it wasn’t close enough or knew me well enough to have such a personal conversation. But my mind started thinking about it and in the end, I did it. Now my husband and I have a chance of becoming parents.
I’m thankful to the ladies in the T’hilim group I am a part of for having me in mind all the time. Every little bit helps.
I’m thankful for the shadchanim who kept me optimistic and did their best.
I’m thankful I didn’t listen to the shadchanim who tried to push me down the wrong path – that I had seichel and spoke up for what I wanted and wouldn’t compromise on what was important. I realized that I was one of many they were helping, and they didn’t really care enough to realize they were asking me to settle.
I’m thankful for living life and not sitting at home waiting...and waiting...and waiting. I went out with friends to museums, parks, National Parks, vacations to different, interesting, exotic countries. I didn’t wait to begin living until I was married, because what if it wasn’t in the cards? I wasn’t missing out on this amazing world Hashem gave us.
I’m thankful for staying strong, keeping my head above the water, believing in myself for everything I have wanted to achieve: schooling, my degree, my job, my home, and now my husband. I never took rejection as an answer, only a challenge to overcome.
I’m so thankful for my health. No matter what little bumps I have had along the way, I am thankful for the fact that I am able to wake up every morning and thank Hashem for his gifts and my life. One kvetch and it could all be over; but realizing that however we are is how we are supposed to be, and if we are healthy, we should appreciate it that much more. I thank the person who opened my eyes to all of this.
I’m thankful for my nieces and nephews who always made me feel like a second mom without actually being a mother.
I’m thankful for my career, which has given me the life I am living, which all fell into place like dominos leading me to meeting my husband. It’s a long story, but it all started with my career and choices made.
I’m thankful for my sense of humor because, without it, I would have been in trouble a few times.
I’m thankful for listening to my parents whenever they told me that “this is a learning lesson for life,” when things didn’t go my way or when I was ready to give up. They never let me.
I’m thankful for taking chances. If I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have had all the exciting adventures, and my life would have been pretty dull.
I am thankful to Hashem and all He has created and given to me.
I’m thankful for my rebbetzin and our little shmoozes and her knowing when I needed to schmooze, even if I said I didn’t want to. She kept me afloat.
I’m thankful for every man I dated and every singles event I attended because it all led me here.
I’m thankful for listening to the advice “Tomorrow is another day,” even if it was a fictional character who said it in a movie. Tomorrow is always a chance to try again.
There’s much more that I am grateful for, and I know I will be forgetting major things and people if I try to name them all now. But at my age, it would have been so easy to give up and look at the hand Hashem dealt me and say, “Okay. I hear you. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.” But I never did. Yes, there were times when I didn’t think marriage was going to happen, but that doesn’t mean I gave up on it. I never did; I just went along living the best life I was able to. And now I see that everything good and bad has led me to right now, and being with my husband.
I’m thankful to you, Goldy. Your column kept it all real, kept me sane. Reading all of the emails, realizing all the different types of circumstances people were in (and counting my stars that I wasn’t one of them), provided a needed smile on some Shabbasos. Are all the emails real? I mean, some of them were doozies. Whoa!
Just as others can learn from you and your readers’ experiences, I hope my email helps older singles who may be in need of chizuk. I’m not going to preach, but I will say what I have always said, but I may believe it more now: “Hashem has a plan. Put your bitachon in Him.”
Laura Burstein
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Thank you so much for your email, Laura. Mazal tov to you and your husband.
I will not add anything to your email, except to answer one question: Yes, all the emails are real. And yes, some of them are doozies. I do my best to make sure someone isn’t sending in a prank email.
Hatzlachah to you all.
Goldy Krantz is an LMSW and a lifelong Queens resident, guest lecturer, and author of the shidduch dating book, The Best of My Worst and children’s book Where Has Zaidy Gone?
She can be contacted at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
