I thank Nachum Segal and the Nachum Segal Network for having me on the show last week and for interviewing me about my new book, Been There, Dated That (available on Amazon or on the Archway Publications website). Nachum Segal is a legend in the world of Jewish broadcasting. I remember listening to him on the radio while driving to work many years ago, when JM in the AM meant Jewish Music. But now his show is streaming, no longer on the radio, and JM means something other than music. Truth be told, when I was younger, I thought it was short for “Jammin’ in the AM.” I was right in my own way because I’d jam out to the music. Wow, I just dated myself.
Nachum did an excellent job promoting the book. I felt like I didn’t have to be there because of the fantastic job Nachum was doing speaking about how delightful he found my book. When asked if I ever need ideas for articles or if the topic of dating keeps on giving, I told him I’m always a little ahead of schedule and have a couple of articles ready to go. When I get inspired or hear something that bothers me, I’ll get my laptop out right away. Sometimes I can type out two or three articles in one sitting. And then there are weeks when nothing happens and I’m not inspired. Call it writer’s block or whatever you want, but I’m lucky to always have a few articles ready to go.
Anyway, I’m breaking into my usual set of scheduled articles to send in this new one, because it’s timely and because, since the interview, I’ve received more than a few emails about the topic. I’ve written about it before, but it’s the topic that keeps giving, as was mentioned. Nachum asked if there was anything that surprised me anymore, anything that I haven’t heard. He, too, was amazed at the questions that are asked while a shidduch is being redt or even asked of the fellow or woman on the first date. So, below I will put some outrageous quotable quotes, most received within the last week. I’ve written quotable quotes a couple of times already. Rule of thumb: If you think it’s an inappropriate question or statement, keep it to yourself for now.
Below are some outrageous quotes that have been sent to singles via email, said on dates, or said by shadchanim. I’ve collected some of these quotes since my last quotable quotes article, but most of them are from emails I’ve received in the last week. Some of them are jaw-droppers—I believe the new term kids use is mic-drop moments.
“When he came back from the bathroom, he told me he may have to call the doctor in the morning. I asked him why, and he said it was because his pee was a different color than it normally is. I couldn’t believe he said that. It was our first and last date!” — Excerpt from a woman who dated someone with health concerns.
“I sent her a text before our date because I was running late. I wanted to be polite. But her response was correcting my grammar.” — Email from a man who had dated a woman a few times, where she felt comfortable schooling him in the English language.
“She said her great-grandfather was named Adolf. He didn’t survive the Holocaust, and it’s sad that there won’t be anyone named after his English name because, from what she heard, he was a great guy. I told her that at least the Hebrew name would be carried on. She said true, but she thinks the Hebrew and English names should go together when the name is passed on. She’s a nut.” — Told to a man on a date when discussing common names in the family of the girl he was on a date with, except for one that didn’t make the cut.
“The shadchan said that her mother didn’t want her to date me because her mother is pretty sure she dated my father and my father broke up with her after a few dates. I asked my father. He had no idea because the shadchan never told me the maiden name of the girl’s mother, and even if she did, it was over thirty years ago. Guess she holds grudges.” — Sent in an email from a man who never ended up finding out if he and the daughter were ever meant to be because the mother still couldn’t get over the fact that his father may have gone out with her a lifetime ago and broken up with her. Funny story: I went out with a fellow a few times, and we both knew that my father had taken out his mother. But no hard feelings. Each went on to marry and have a good life.
“I kept telling the shadchan we had met. I told her when, I told her what her address was, and even what her den looked like and what chair I sat in. I was trying to convince her that we had met. She had no idea who I was. I mean, I described her lumpy chair; shouldn’t that be enough?” — In an email from a woman who knew she was dealing with a shadchan who had too much on her plate and not enough time to help her because she couldn’t even remember meeting her weeks earlier.
“I asked him if he had recently gotten a car wash. He told me that I was smelling his ‘cologne.’ I was confused. He said he spritzes himself with some cleaning products before dates so he should have a homey, clean smell that girls should like.” — Written in an email from a woman who didn’t get that nice, homey feeling from her date.
“Does your mother always look like that, or did she just get home from a long day?” — This was said to a woman as he was buckling her seatbelt within the first ten minutes of a date after picking her up at home.
“I’m sloshed. You drive.” — Excerpt from an email from a woman who drove a date home and then took an Uber to her home. When she called to check on him the next day, he thanked her but refused to pay for her Uber because “you gotta plan for things like this when you’re dating” is what she was told by her hungover date.
“While she was talking about a bad date she had been on, I realized it was my friend and told her. You would think she would apologize or stop talking. She didn’t care and told me that I should know what type of person I’m friends with, and if that’s who I choose to be around, she didn’t want to be around me.” — Excerpt from an email from a man who decided to keep his friends and dump his date.
“I’ll be truthful. He’s not what you’re looking for, what you described to me. But he’s a nice guy. He’ll pay for dinner and won’t kidnap you. Go out with him, give him a chance.” — What a single was told after she met a shadchan and described what type of man she was looking for.
“That shadchan was asking me ridiculous questions about my grandparents, my high school… She apologized but said that this was what the girl’s mother wanted to know about anyone who planned to go out with her daughter. No, thank you.” — From an email written by a male who hopes he dodged a bullet.
“As I was driving to pick her up, she called. She said she didn’t know her friends were planning to throw her a surprise party that night because her birthday was the following week. But when her roommate saw her getting ready for our date, she told her all about the party. So she had to cancel the date and said that she’ll be in touch to reschedule. I checked her social media that night. There were no pictures of a party. And it’s been two days. I’m still waiting to hear from her.” — Taken from an email written by a patient and understanding fellow. I mean, he was on the way to pick her up—technically, for him, the date had started.
“You seem great, but to be honest, my mother set the whole thing up and then gave me your number to call. We’ve only been here a little while, but I think we both know it’s a mismatch. Why don’t I just pay for our drinks and we call it a night?” — Taken from an email from a woman who actually needed another drink after hearing that from her date. She thanked him for his time, said she’d take an Uber home, then went to her friend’s home, where they binge-watched their favorite show.
I wish I could say that I’m making some of these up because of the gall of some people! I think some of these people single-handedly delayed Moshiach from coming at the exact moment their mouths opened and those words came out. Where is Ahavas Yisroel? Why can’t people just go ahead and do the right thing, even if they don’t want to? That’s what makes us mature adults: doing what’s right and not taking the easy way out.
Hatzlachah to you all!
Goldy Krantz is an LMSW and a lifelong Queens resident, guest lecturer, and author of the shidduch dating book “The Best of My Worst” and children’s book “Where Has Zaidy Gone?” She can be contacted at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Goldy is an experienced dating coach offering private sessions. To inquire, contact her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
