Dating Today

Dear Goldy,

I’m an animal lover. I always wanted a pet as a child, but my parents didn’t allow it. They tried over and over to explain why I couldn’t. They’re very frum, and so I think they were just going along with, “You can’t own a pet. They’re muktzah on Shabbos, and you can’t feed them…” This is what I was always told. I know there are some halachos involving owning pets, but my parents always kept going back to the same line, “It’s not allowed.” But they did let me have a bird and goldfish. That’s as far as I got. I tried telling them that caring for a pet would teach me responsibility and all that stuff, but nothing worked.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say (write) it again: I don’t know everything, and I don’t pretend to. I respond to every letter and question asked as I would a friend, not like a therapist or Rebbetzin. That’s why I say that my new book, Been There, Dated That, “isn’t your mama’s advice book.” If I feel the person who wrote in is in the wrong, I’ll write it, and I have. I won’t lecture or bring in Tanach.... I’m prefacing this specific letter with this because I don’t know how to really answer this question except to say, “But it’s not Shabbosdik! It’s not the same thing!” Read on. How would you answer the question?

What would you do? Seriously. I’m asking. I posted a video on social media this week of a phone call I received from a friend of a friend. She went out with someone she knows I went out with, and he acted inappropriately on the date with her. So much so that she had to take an Uber home because she didn’t want to spend one minute more with him, even after he apologized to her for his actions.

It’s not uncommon for couples to go out a time or two (or more), and then one of them calls it quits because he/she isn’t feeling it. Months or years pass, and they rethink the situation and are able to arrange to go out with the person they ended it with again. Many times, the second time around ends with a happily ever after.

Dear Goldy,

I went on a date, and the shadchan said that the guy said I gave off a snobby impression, as if I was bored or above him. I don’t know how this is possible. We had an animated conversation. Our date lasted three hours.

I’m in a tizzy—a little bit outraged, a little bit inclined to put my head in my hands and just rub my head. What’s the issue? I read something somewhere about shidduch dating, or dating in general, and it boggles my mind. It boggles my mind how such a question or statement can be asked or said out loud to another person and a real answer is expected. And I respect the response that was given. I definitely wouldn’t have answered that way, but the answer validated the question and didn’t make the person asking feel like an idiot, so all was saved at the end of the day.