Question: Does one violate the prohibition of lashon ha’ra when he or she speaks negatively about a person in front of him?
Short Answer: The poskim dispute whether lashon ha’ra is violated when spoken in front of the person being spoken about, but certainly other prohibitions are violated.
Explanation:
I. The Gemara
The Gemara (Arachin 15b) provides the statement of Rabbah, that there is no prohibition of lashon ha’ra on sharing negative information about a person in front of him. Abayei disagrees, as it is even more of an insult and lashon ha’ra against the person when negative information is said to his face, to which Rabbah responds, that he holds like Rabbi Yosi, who used to remark that “he never said anything and looked behind his shoulder.”
Rashi cites two interpretations for Rabbah’s response (based on Rabbi Yosi). First, Rabbah is saying that Rabbi Yosi was never worried about saying something negative about a person because he would say the same information in front of the person himself. Second, Rabbah is saying that Rabbi Yosi would always repeat any information he said about a person in front of the person (if asked about it by the person). Regardless, Rashi appears to be understanding that Rabbah reaffirmed his original statement, that it is not prohibited to speak lashon ha’ra about a person to the person’s face.
II. How Do We Pasken?
But do we pasken like Rabbah? Notably, the Rambam (Hilchos Dei’os 7:5) rules that lashon ha’ra is forbidden regardless of whether it is recited in front of the person or not. This is like the opinion of Abayei in the Gemara.
The Kesef Mishneh (ibid) asks why the Rambam paskens like Abayei against Rava here, as it is not one of the six “exceptions” (ya’al kegam) where we follow Abaya instead of Rava? The simple answer, cited by numerous Acharonim (see Sefer HaMaftei’ach in Frankel ed. of Rambam), is that the other opinion in the Gemara is not Rava, but Rabbah (as listed above). Thus, the Rambam is free to pasken like Abayei and is not bound by the rule of the Gemara that we always pasken like Rava instead of Abayei except for six exceptions.
However, even if the Rabbi in the Gemara is Rabbah, why does the Rambam follow Abayei and rule that lashon ha’ra is forbidden even in front of the person you are speaking about?
The P’ri Chadash (cited in Sefer Likutim, Frankel ed. of Rambam) suggests that the Rambam based his ruling on a Midrash Toras Kohanim that writes that “if Miriam was punished so severely for speaking negatively about Moshe when not in front of him, how much more so will someone be punished if he speaks negatively about a person in front of him...” Clearly, it is forbidden to speak lashon ha’ra about a person even in front of him, like Abayei.
[As an aside, see Dirshu notes on Chofetz Chaim (klal 3:2, n.6), which cites a Sifrei that holds that Miriam’s lashon ha’ra was actually said in front of Moshe!]
III. Tosafos’ Limitation
The P’ri Chadash likewise gives another answer based on Tosafos (Arachin ibid, according to the girsa of the Shitah M’kubetzes), who severely limits the ruling of Rabbah. Tosafos rules that Rabbah’s leniency, allowing lashon ha’ra in front of a person, only applies when the lashon ha’ra is not overtly negative, such as the example in the Gemara (a few lines earlier than the machlokes of Rabbah and Abayei) where someone tells his friend that “if you need a light, go to this guy’s house who always has the lights burning.” This statement can either be viewed positively (the person is guiding his friend where to find what he is looking for) or negatively (the person is negatively referring to the rich person’s wealth). This is often referred to as a form of “avak lashon ha’ra.” Rabbah holds that such a statement is permitted in front of the rich man. However, overtly negative statements that are said to hurt the person being spoken about are forbidden even in front of the person being spoken about.
Accordingly, the P’ri Chadash suggests that the Rambam rules that lashon ha’ra is forbidden in front of the person being spoken about because the Rambam is only talking about overtly negative speech meant to hurt the person. Other speech, such as avak lashon ha’ra, which could be interpreted in multiple ways, is permitted when spoken in the presence of the person being spoken about.
IV. The Lenient Opinions
The Sefer Y’reim (cited in Chofetz Chaim, klal 3:2, B’eir Mayim Chayim 1) paskens like Rabbah, seemingly holding that there is no violation of lashon ha’ra if you speak negatively about a person in front of him.
Similarly, the Maharal (N’sivos Olam, N’siv HaLashon, perek 2 and 7) expounds on the prohibition of lashon ha’ra. He explains that it is not lashon ha’ra to speak negatively about someone in front of him, because this is not a sin exclusively done with a mouth. In other words, if you want to hurt someone standing next to you, you can punch him or hit him or also speak negatively to him. Lashon ha’ra, which is a uniquely “mouth-centered” sin, is limited to cases where you speak about a person behind his back. The Maharal adds that lashon ha’ra, when spoken in front of the subject being spoken about, is not as egregious as behind the subject’s back, as the victim has an opportunity to defend himself.
V. The Chofetz Chaim’s Ruling
The Chofetz Chaim (klal 3:1) vehemently rejects the ruling of the Y’reim and Maharal. The Chofetz Chaim is clear that any negative speech violates lashon ha’ra, even if said in front of the person being spoken about. He also (klal 2:1, B’eir Mayim Chayim) proves this from the midrash (listed above) that Miriam spoke lashon ha’ra in front of Moshe and from the law of “motzi sheim ra” in the Torah, where the husband speaks negatively about his wife in front of her.
Rav Yitzchak Hutner (Pachad Yitzchak, Shavuos, Maamar 3) answers for the Maharal. There are two types of words that may constitute lashon ha’ra: (i) speaking about an objectively negative fact (such as “Mr. X failed his test”); and (ii) sharing a negative interpretation – and thereby judging negatively – an unclear point about a person (such as “Mr. X is really stupid”). For the first category, the actual prohibition is the sharing of the fact with someone else, as the negative fact itself already exists and thus the prohibition is spreading the fact. For the second category, the actual prohibition is judging negatively an otherwise benign fact, which is triggered retroactively (to the time you had the negative thought) once you satisfy the “condition” of sharing it with others.
Rav Hutner explains that, in general, the prohibition of lashon ha’ra is different from actual fighting. Lashon ha’ra is slander that leads to fighting, not the actual fighting itself. In other words, if an act is deemed fighting, it cannot be lashon ha’ra. Thus, when a person says lashon ha’ra in front of the person being spoken about, he is in essence fighting with that person (because, as the Maharal said, he could have chosen to punch him instead). Thus, the first category of lashon ha’ra cannot be violated in front of a person, as the actual prohibition takes place at the time you are sharing the information publicly, but it happens to be in front of the subject being spoken about, and thus instead is deemed fighting. This is in contrast to the second category of lashon ha’ra, where the actual prohibition takes place when you have the negative thoughts and thereby judge negatively, all BEFORE you speak the lashon ha’ra. Thus, this second category of lashon ha’ra is violated even when you speak it in front of the person (and fight with him), as you have technically already violated the prohibition and are just now satisfying the “condition” of sharing it with others.
Accordingly, Rav Hutner says that Miriam (and the husband’s motzi sheim ra in the Torah) was the second category, where she judged Moshe’s divorce negatively, and thus violated lashon ha’ra when she had the original negative thought, before she shared it with Aharon in front of Moshe. Thus, she violated lashon ha’ra even in front of the subject, Moshe. Rabbah in the Gemara, however, according to the Maharal, is talking about the first category, where one shares a negative fact in front of a person, thereby fighting with him instead of violating lashon ha’ra.
Rabbi Ephraim Glatt, Esq. is Associate Rabbi at the Young Israel of Kew Gardens Hills and a practicing litigation attorney. Questions? Comments? Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
