Feelin’ Funny: Mordechai Schmutter

This week’s column is about stiff necks.  Nothing to do with the fact that many of us slept in the sukkah last week.

Stiff necks are a real pain in the neck.  (Ouch.)  (Ouch for that too.)  And they always strike without warning.  They just sneak up behind you – often while you’re sleeping – and before you can turn around, they’re upon you!  And then you can’t turn around.

The Aseres Yemei Teshuvah is a serious time, and we do a lot of things in all seriousness.

Whenever you want to go anywhere, there’s traffic.  And people know this.  That’s why when you get there, everyone asks, “How was traffic?” 

“Traffic was the best.  I got a lot of thinking done.  Also, my right leg is now about six times stronger than my left leg.  I can kill a turtle.”

But there has to be some way to avoid it, right? 

There’s a lot of depressing news these days, so maybe we should focus on something lighter, like Art News.  That should cheer us up, right?

The Aseres Yemei Teshuvah is a serious time, and we do a lot of things in all seriousness.

But in all seriousness, it’s sometimes difficult for our kids to tell which things are minhagim and which we just happen to do.  So you should really take the time to talk to your kids about it.  Sooner than later, especially if your minhag is not to talk on Yom Kippur. 

There’s nothing like working out to transform you from a flabby guy who needs to go to the gym to a flabby guy who needs to take a shower.  That said, the following are some tips that I’ve picked up in almost two years of going to exercise classes, on and off.  Before you take my advice, though, bear in mind that I’ve been in this class for almost two years now, I’m in the same class as people who’ve joined way more recently, and I’m showing no signs of eventually graduating.