Feelin’ Funny: Mordechai Schmutter

Everyone loves Purim, but no one loves cleaning up from Purim.  Yet the night after Purim, you have to sort through what you got for mishloach manos and figure out what to do with it.  It’s like putting away groceries, if you bought minute amounts of hundreds of different foods – mostly unhealthy – and put no thought into grouping like things together in the same shopping bag.  (“Why did we buy unwrapped jelly beans?”  “Why is every can of soda in a different bag?”  “Is this for Shabbos, or…?”  “Why did we buy this thing if we don’t even know what it is?”) 

Every year, in honor of Presidents’ Day, we list a bunch of amazing facts about one of our beloved presidents (non-beloved too – we just go in order).  And this year we’re up to… John Adams. 

Of all the units we use to measure things, time has always been the most fluid. 

Welcome back to “How Should I Know?” – the advice column that, more often than not, is about food.

Dear Mordechai,

About once a year, I write a “dumb criminals” article, because there are a lot of criminals out there who do stupid things and get caught, probably because if you want to be a police officer, there are intelligence tests you have to take, but if you want to be a criminal, there are not.  Also, many cops have been doing this for years, but for the criminals, it’s often their first foray.

There comes a time in every marriage when your wife is going to want to go walking, and you’re going to want to go to sleep.  And that time is Friday night.  What are you gonna do, right?