Do you feel okay about yourself? Do you think that you deserve goodness and generosity? Believe it or not, some of us even question if we have a right to exist. If your parents were unduly harsh, you might seek an inordinate amount of approval from others. You may fear constantly being blasted or berated.
You may have taken that unending quest for acceptance to social media. All the feelings of unworthiness can be literally translated to asking: “Am I okay?” Every post, status update, or pic may be a yearning for reassurance. Am I pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, or worthy enough? What’s that? The only exercise you’ve done this month is running out of money? Sheesh. Free tip: The best way to save money is to forget who you borrowed it from.
But truly, when you raise your phone, are you aware that social media is oftentimes based on the troubles of individual souls? You need not delete your apps, sweet friends; but you must soothe your inner child. I know: You don’t use apps. You used naps. But would you ever give up your phone? If you use that gadget in order to keep yourself at bay, you are undoubtedly too reliant.
Phone obsession is the most injurious way to avoid self-knowledge. Sure, you can look up anything if you are so inclined; but do you really need to know what you want to know? Humans used to immerse themselves in Nature. Your so called “smart” phone will start beeping or sending an app update even as you star gaze or try to enjoy seeing the Grand Canyon for the very first time. Listen, there’s a lot I could say about the Grand Canyon, but it all feels too deep.
But seriously, gadgets intrude with incessant reminders or food delivery notifications and strip away your ability to simply “be.” Do you really require that automated reminder to go for your root canal? Sure, the hardest part of making dinner is waiting for the delivery guy. But perhaps what you truly need is a reminder to keep an appointment with yourself.
Check in with your anxiety, anger, or feelings of unworthiness. Spend time with yourself in order to truly understand yourself. Are you as sophisticated as your phone? They seem more advanced than many humans; do they not?
Ask yourself what you really need to thrive, my friends. You have scrolled through every news outlet on the planet today, but are you aware of the profound needs of your soul? We must all learn to summon our better nature. When you think of addiction, perhaps you let yourself off the hook. Never mind hard drugs or alcohol. Are you addicted to Instagram, shopping, sweets, work, or perhaps approval? I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people; but none of them work.
Whatever you use to keep your disturbing and disruptive thoughts at bay may very well be an addiction. Does the activity help you avoid the contents of your own mind? We are often filled with thoughts we do not wish to entertain, and most certainly feelings we do not want to feel. Work can be an addiction if it serves to prevent you from doing inner work.
Perhaps you can think about weaning yourself off of your drug of choice, sweet friends. What you discover can be painful to learn or to feel. You can become in touch with many errors or bad judgments you made in your past. After all, we humans are natural self-deceivers. Remember, when you choose a behavior, you choose the consequences.
You can think too much but you can also think too little. What is your mind cramped with? Do you glean knowledge from the emotional part of you? Do you ward off information that reveals your intricate self? How do you usher in personal investigation of your inner life?
Self-knowledge is not a luxury, my friends. Quit waiting for a breakthrough and break through yourself. Look in the mirror and you will see yourself. Look inside, and you may find yourself. Believe it or not, your feelings about others are largely determined by your feelings about yourself.
Do you have the master key to open the inner locks of your mind? Take a peek. Today is a good day to try.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
