Do you remember how intense your enthusiasm was when you first met her? You think of him constantly and want to spend more and more time in his presence. Even in our friendships, the early phase of adulation and admiration rarely, if ever, lasts.
Unfortunately, ’tis human nature to take for granted what and who is always around. Eventually, even your closest friend will let you down. Maybe she never admits her mistakes. Perhaps he hardly ever apologizes. All those trivial and not so trivial disappointments can devastate, and eventually, even destroy your love.
There are 100 billion nerves in the human body. And there are some people who have the ability to irritate all of them. Yikes. It is all right to be angry, annoyed, and even exasperated, provided you can discuss and process it with him. Does she tell you to stop making a fuss over what she sees as small things? Trust me, sweet friends. Small things can matter enormously to you. You do not want to develop a steady burden of hostility by not being allowed to express yourself.
Becoming apathetic or uninterested in your mate or friend may not be due to familiarity or the normal impact of time. It may be dissatisfaction and discontent rearing its ugly head. Allow yourself to be upset about what saddened or angered you. Your friend should ask you about times you may have felt let down by them.
You may even do this ritual weekly. If you stay silent about your upset, you are not being brave, sweet friends. It may be no longer possible for you to even care for or love your friend if you do so. Make the effort to understand your loved ones, please.
Let’s be honest. Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts. But seriously, raising criticisms and complaints is not negative. That type of authenticity is actually a love-preserving tool that can keep your love alive. Respectfully voicing those seemingly minor irritations and frustrations ensures that you will most likely have a relationship free of resentment, discontent, and dissatisfaction.
You enter a situation, my friends. You then evaluate it. That appraisal will change how you think and feel, and ultimately behave. That is what we call an “emotional response.” At any step along the way, you can intervene and change your emotion. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. And you know what they say: Only two things can change a woman’s mood: “I love you”…or a 50% discount.
But seriously, you can always re-evaluate how you think about the situation you find yourself in. Can you temper your emotional responses? Hiding feelings or escaping into drugs, alcohol, or shopping generally leads to more negative emotions and behavior. Then again, you know what they say: No decision should be made on an empty shopping bag. It’s also been said: The odds of going to a store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
But truly, notice your feelings and please try to reflect on where they may be coming from. Can you maintain a good mood? Do you feel that you should always be happy? You need not avoid sadness or even anger. Feelings can be thought of as being helpful or unhelpful at any moment.
If your friend just shared the loss of a loved one or a pet, needless to say you should empathize and you may even experience her mournfulness. That is what compassion looks like.
No need to be fixated on happiness. Re-evaluate your thoughts about situations that can help you cultivate hope that things will get better. Listen, I am the hero of my own story, but sometimes I need a stunt double.
We all talk to ourselves, my friends. What are you saying inside your head at this moment? Is your private inner dialogue helping you work through difficult situations in your life? What you say will help you regulate your emotions and impact your attitude and your performance.
If you are occasionally critical of yourself, that is fine. But if you constantly ruminate and blame yourself for nearly everything, it is time to regulate the tone of your self-talk. Replace those thoughts with positive reflections.
Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Play your self-love anthem, my friends, and put it on repeat.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
